I think I did love him

The way his hair glistened in the sun. The  
red patches, right by his temples.  
He was the sun, to me. He was  
light - the dawn seeping in through
my darkest curtains. He  
was the warmth left in  
your sheets that floods over your skin  
when you crawl back in after a quick trip  
to the kitchen.  
We were alone together. So many  
photos together, but not together.  
Together  
but not together.
What is it with us, and these
opposing forces? Magnets  
don’t always work two ways.  
But on the days we were together, so close
our silhouette was one. You were a dream to me  
on those days I couldn’t tell  
my breath from yours. Because you
were what I dreamt of, dusk til dawn,
dawn til dusk. And  
you felt like everything I’d imagined you’d feel like.
Now all I feel is the space between  
us: too vast for the Apollo itself.  
And the door to the place  
where you used to be  
flew off the hinges when I realized  
that I love you, so I’m  
having a hard time closing it. I’m not  
ashamed of my capacity to love, but
sometimes I wish I  
could close the door  
for just a little while.