Vermillion Fields

Good grief, this is beautiful.  Well done, D 💜

Thank you Luna ❤️

Dear V,

I must echo Luna! This is beautiful and as for your last stanza, I think it’s gold star. I appreciate the message of taking a situation that isn’t ideal and trying to make the best of it. To me, it’s the better option to move things along. Lovely piece. H🌷

Thank you so much I appreciate it

I found myself immersed into the lines... a brilliant ballad of self...⚡

Thank you Elias very much

You got me thinking really hard.  Keep on writing.

Hi, Val! Per your request for critique, I have the following to suggest:

Bathed[ , ]
in the essence

Because 'Bathed' is a stich ( one word line of poetry ), it doesn't require a comma, as there is a natural pause with the line break.

Your enjambments up to these lines are perfect:

softened by
dust particles
that dance through
sun beams that enter my soul

If you want to create stronger enjambments, try the following:

softened
by dust particles
that dance
through sun beams
that enter my soul

Also, because you have used 'that' twice, I recommend removing the first, and altering the tense to dancing.  Frankly, I would get rid of the second too, and alter the tense to entering.

i am infinite, luminous
[ as ] the suns apricity
against my darkest finite[ — ]
electrified
with the frangrance
of hyacinth
in the evening
where the rivers inlet dampens the shore

You could create a nice sense of alliteration with 'a', as well as consonance of 's' if you changed 'like' for 'as' in L1.  I suggest an em dash after darkest finite to signal the power word which follows: electrified. I would even italicize the word for more emphasis. Lastly, you don't need the first 'the' in the last line. Removing it would also eliminate the repetition of it in the line.

rising,  before it falls /
into eternities dissolve  

The above line could use a bit of work. Firstly, I suggest splitting it up where the forward dash is located. Secondly, eternities disslove is incorrect. It should read, eternity's dissolve. Though it still read a bit awkward ( for me ). Perhaps a bit of syntax alteration: dissolving into eternity.

turning dross to gold
in Vermillion
fields/ where [rare ] vibrations
[ of a ] rare [ kind ] /
envelop  [ all ] purpose /
as I sink into the essence /
of renewal

This is a perfect stanza except for that last line. I would back up field and begin the new line with where.  You could eliminate excessive wordage by removing of, a, and kind. Also, it could use some breaks where the forward slashes are. If taken into consideration, it would read as follows:

turning dross to gold
in Vermillion
fields/ where rare vibrations
envelop purpose
as I sink into the essence
of renewal

Overall it's a beautiful poem filled with a warm light ( which is why I RL'd it ).

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to critique. Your request was an honor and demonstration of trust.

xo

Ahavati,
Thank you so much for your honest critique your suggestions are appreciated
Will be editing

You're very welcome, Val. As I said, it was an honor to be asked by you. Hope you are well, and underway for a beautiful Christmas this year. xo

Beautiful !
I love the following 6 verses:
"... Hardened  edges ... ... ... sun beams that enter my soul... "

Well thank you so much