Untitled 101 -OR- Thinking Out Loud

Half a decade to reflect on.
Oh, how I've changed.
I almost forgot why these walls were initially made.

Not to guard the wind,
But hide my Pain.

Crumbling in foundation,
But the friend it is, remains.

And it hurts.

I almost forgot why vulnerability was never present.
So i tried to remind myself of the lesson i already knew.
Look at me, with same results.

I remember when i used to scatter my pieces.
One piece for you, another for them, but none of it ever told in whole.
As i constructed my defense mechanism with such precision.

If they all came together, and shared my stories, they could collect the entire of my fragments.
So they might think.
But i would never tell anyone everything.
Nor would they ever come to share, for first I would have to be interesting.

The perfect mask.

And as i went, a piece here, a piece there;
It was the perfect balance to allow some worlds to know of me.
Enough of a smile, while keeping my nothing.
Shaking hands with human nature while holding it's loophole to my heart.

Better that I'm apart.

As now this familiar solitude comes rushing back.
I greet it with a smile, with hate behind my eyes.
I did so well, that even i forgot about myself.
But I'm never one to miss the reminder when needed. (yet unwanted)
--
It feels weak to call such of anything as unfair-
Weak, and accurate.
I knew a life once, of wild freedom and forgotten pain.
Peaceful in moments of it's delusion.
Unknown if i could call what has become evolution,
But now i notice a confinement and combatance left alone inside.
Odd, how little combatance 'of' confinement is yet to hold equal rage.

Rage that becomes immediately exasperated.
It simply drains too much energy at the moment.
Or any moment i have known.

Oh, how I've changed.
Just for the simple reminder, that i never should have done so.
Oh, how I've changed.
Yet, here i am, once again...
...the same.