deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Silence Inn
The brutal wave of
rain and jealously
followed me that night
as I sipped
strong lukewarm coffee
at the Silence Inn.
Bloodshot eyes stared
back at me
and the storm laughed.
If I wanted to
the warm bosom of
Room 134
would have welcomed
a wired mind.
Yet someone
must have been in that storm
and I needed to find
who.
A mist arose
throughout the
Devil’s Playground
And then all I could hear
was the faint echo of a
child giggling.
And I laughed.
rain and jealously
followed me that night
as I sipped
strong lukewarm coffee
at the Silence Inn.
Bloodshot eyes stared
back at me
and the storm laughed.
If I wanted to
the warm bosom of
Room 134
would have welcomed
a wired mind.
Yet someone
must have been in that storm
and I needed to find
who.
A mist arose
throughout the
Devil’s Playground
And then all I could hear
was the faint echo of a
child giggling.
And I laughed.
Published 18th Jan 2010
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18th Jan 2010 4:45pm
..with sinister undertones. The way it's put together is very deliberate and it creates a charged atmosphere, but I can't decide if you have provided the reader adequate clues or if it's me having a below par day.
18th Jan 2010 11:02pm
Agreed. There is plenty of room to stay mysterious while fleshing out the scene a little. Thanks!
19th Jan 2010 1:14am
Question:
I have taken your advice and now have a slightly more fleshed out version of this The Silence Inn. However, I don't see an option to edit or delete a post. How does this forum like to handle rewrites?
I have taken your advice and now have a slightly more fleshed out version of this The Silence Inn. However, I don't see an option to edit or delete a post. How does this forum like to handle rewrites?
Anonymous
19th Jan 2010 00:40am
<< post removed >>
