i think i have officially gone crazy

i think i have officially gone crazy
if i see your name online I get excited because I think its you
I don't know why I'm missing you its weird
my mind is foggy, not clear

whenever you decided to go away from me
no warning no contact
I felt something inside me ripped apart
I was hurting

i was so angry with you
plus the added information I got wasn't good
I wanted you to hurt the way I was
I wanted to hate you

for some reason I can't hate you
no matter what you do
we do have a bond with our child
even though other girls would prefer that I would go away

obviously, Im not going anywhere in that sense
I'm always going to be around
we have to talk eventually
we need to find a way to co-parent

i tried drinking a lot to numb my pain
that didn't work
so many nights i kept crying
just didn't understand

i also cut and dyed my hair
usually, that would make me feel good
but i didn't
i just kept thinking how you said you would always be here

now with help of medications
I'm not crying anymore as bad
but now i miss you
this healing thing is hard

i think i have lost it
is this normal
to not be angry and just miss someone
i don't know maybe you do