deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Tryst
It was just a brief romance
something that seemed
to happen by chance
not the kind of thing
that lasts
still it was
a hot romance
I could see me falling
into your arms
so naturally
from that first kiss
I was blown away completely
and I don't regret a single thing
something that seemed
to happen by chance
not the kind of thing
that lasts
still it was
a hot romance
I could see me falling
into your arms
so naturally
from that first kiss
I was blown away completely
and I don't regret a single thing
Published 11th Sep 2020
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likes 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
11th Sep 2020 10:18am
Nice emoting/evoking ... the magic of it ... two ships passing in the night ... but close enough to touch ... briefly ... well done Faith ...
11th Sep 2020 10:19am
11th Sep 2020 1:31pm
A stoic philosopher once said, "A moment may be more precious than a lifetime." Thanks for this great write. Peace. oral
11th Sep 2020 1:35pm
11th Sep 2020 4:18pm
They say some of the most romantic interludes are those of the briefest kind, even crossing a bridge and looking into another's eyes all the way across. . .this holds both a nostalgic and yet openness for the present.
One thing in the spirit of honest critique, Faith:
a passionate moment or two
for I can really get
into you
Do you really need those last two lines? They're already implied throughout the poem, and particularly in the lines preceding them. I'm feeling like a stronger ending would be to remove them, and perhaps comma after moment:
a passionate moment, or two. . .
maybe even add an ellipses to leave it open. . .
One thing in the spirit of honest critique, Faith:
a passionate moment or two
for I can really get
into you
Do you really need those last two lines? They're already implied throughout the poem, and particularly in the lines preceding them. I'm feeling like a stronger ending would be to remove them, and perhaps comma after moment:
a passionate moment, or two. . .
maybe even add an ellipses to leave it open. . .
11th Sep 2020 6:15pm
Thanks for the tip. I don't usually chop off parts of my poems but you had a point. I like it just as much without the last part altogether.
