drawing smiles

there, a girl sits
with a pen in her left arm because she tries
to feel different
she has smiley faces on her arm
well, she draws herself smiles and
pretends she is happy

she covers her head with her hands
and tries to see the world when
her eyes are shut
but she still sees a knotted blur
of what she used to
know by heart

there, a girl sits
and writes poetry
singing songs she used to love but
feels nothing towards them, really
now,
she looks at the smiley faces
and tries an attempt
knowing she's been trying to hard
to draw smiles on her face
to pretend she's happy