Denial

How am I meant to know about my scars and how they were dealt
When I crossed no lines and I don’t even know myself
Too much time panicking and worrying due to my mental health
That I let go of my heart and then it melt
So sick of taking stuff for granted or being taken for granted
I tried to grow through time but the seeds were already planted
In the wrong place and in a place of disaster
Just know when I said I loved you, that every single time I meant it
Paths are crossed and lives are lost
People are killed and people take pills
So why do I feel like I’m in the gutter
Like I have nothing
I guess when my mum told me that I was stubborn
It was the truth and now my thoughts are flooded
This is everyday, every minute, every second
My head is high but my hopes are low
People and things are saying yes but all my head can ever say is no, so...


I can’t give myself a reason to start again
Feeling the effects of life and loss
This downward spiral is all too much a trend
I know, I know.. That all my hope is gone
But all I have is hope
Tell me how this works because I couldn’t tell you so
Please give me a reason to start again
I’m in denial again, I’m in denial again


So I’m begging for a reason, some hope or some answers
It’s hard to feel alone, nobody knows I’m in a trance and
I spent so much time gaining faith that it hurts so much to lose it
My life is like a sad movie, I hope to you that I’m amusing
It hurt so much to be left behind but it hurts more to lose faith
Tryna turn a corner but I’m cornered in a maze
I’m off to sleep at 6 for the sake of my thoughts
Wake up at 12 so I can reminisce some more
Struggle to sleep in the dark for hours on end
Thinking about her and where all my time went
I used to feel young, never full of hope but alive
Then it got shut down, then it got locked down
The only thing I can ask you is why?
The only thing I can think of is why?
Looking into my mind is such a cruel site
Why you asking what I’m doing? I’m up at 2am, I’m alone and I’m crying


I can’t give myself a reason to start again
Feeling the effects of life and loss
This downward spiral is all too much a trend
I know, I know.. That all my hope is gone
But all I have is hope
Tell me how this works because I couldn’t tell you so
Please give me a reason to start again
I’m in denial again, I’m in denial again
And all I’m thinking of is pain