deepundergroundpoetry.com
Anxiety
I write this in the darkness
Not literal but mental
I’m drowning in my thoughts
Getting closer to the edge
“Breath” they say
“Count to ten” they say
“It’ll be fine” they say
But I still feel the pain
Tingling sensations never go away
Words won’t come out
Muffled feels my brain
“Anxiety” they say
But they don’t know my pain
Not literal but mental
I’m drowning in my thoughts
Getting closer to the edge
“Breath” they say
“Count to ten” they say
“It’ll be fine” they say
But I still feel the pain
Tingling sensations never go away
Words won’t come out
Muffled feels my brain
“Anxiety” they say
But they don’t know my pain
Published 24th Aug 2020
Author's Note
This is an old poem that I wrote. I don’t think it’s that good but I would like some feedback.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
24th Aug 2020 7:53pm
Dear Z,
This is a very good poem. You claim it’s an old poem however it’s a very relevant theme and well expressed for a sensitive subject.
In the spirit of friendly feedback I wonder if you might consider removing the reference, they say, to perhaps combining all the phrases as a list:
Breath,
Count to ten,
It’ll be fine.
Good advice.
But I still feel the pain
Your feelings and thoughts are so potent and raw, but lost within the cliche and repetition of “they say”. It’s an excellent write with a relatable message to one and all.
H🌷
This is a very good poem. You claim it’s an old poem however it’s a very relevant theme and well expressed for a sensitive subject.
In the spirit of friendly feedback I wonder if you might consider removing the reference, they say, to perhaps combining all the phrases as a list:
Breath,
Count to ten,
It’ll be fine.
Good advice.
But I still feel the pain
Your feelings and thoughts are so potent and raw, but lost within the cliche and repetition of “they say”. It’s an excellent write with a relatable message to one and all.
H🌷
12th Sep 2020 5:55pm
