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...Ring Ring...
Contemplated leaving
unappreciated is how I'm feeling
all I hear is criticism
and sarcasm in your voice
I should've picked the choice
Of being alone...
As I sit by the phone
like you told me to
I wonder what is it about you?
In the beginning
you were the perfect gentleman
doing things no man has done for me
treating me like a Queen...
Ring ring!
Oh, that must be you calling,
feel like not answering
And I think I won't
I'll let you think I'm not here
see how that makes you feel
'Cause I'm tired of you
Telling me what to do
Like I'm a child
And to think you used to make me smile...
Ring ring!
Ring ring!
"Hello? Bye, I'm leaving..."
----------------------------------------------
By Tara A.
unappreciated is how I'm feeling
all I hear is criticism
and sarcasm in your voice
I should've picked the choice
Of being alone...
As I sit by the phone
like you told me to
I wonder what is it about you?
In the beginning
you were the perfect gentleman
doing things no man has done for me
treating me like a Queen...
Ring ring!
Oh, that must be you calling,
feel like not answering
And I think I won't
I'll let you think I'm not here
see how that makes you feel
'Cause I'm tired of you
Telling me what to do
Like I'm a child
And to think you used to make me smile...
Ring ring!
Ring ring!
"Hello? Bye, I'm leaving..."
----------------------------------------------
By Tara A.
Published 25th Jan 2012
| Edited 27th Jan 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 4
reads 893
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
25th Jan 2012 11:49pm
you wrote this, or if it is about the present, but one thing I know about certain types of guys is that when they are trying to win a prize, they fight like hell. They will go above and beyond to win the trophy, and then savor the victory for a little while. They celebrate and drink the champaign, show it to their friends and brag how they had the moves and strategy to score over and over, but once the adrenalin wore off and there was nobody left to impress, the trophy got put up on the mantle piece. Every now and then they take it down to dust it off and shine it up, then back up on the mantle. Then next season comes around and their's a new prize, another trophy to be won. For some, winning isn't everything, it's just the storm before the calm.
Good for you, let him eat ring...
JJ
Good for you, let him eat ring...
JJ
27th Jan 2012 00:19am
i wrote this recently, actually. and lately my man hasnt been treatin me like he should. Thanks for reading, JJ. Keep being sweet, honey;)
27th Jan 2012 1:19am
Hi, Lyrical
certainly you have some raw emotion going on here.
thats a great start.
I think (though i am no expert) that some poems scream for a few line breaks to help the reader know what kind of pace you are setting.
I am thinking that this poem would benefit from a few. I will give you some suggested line breaks here to see how you feel about it.
.-"'Ring Ring'"-.
Contemplated leaving
unappreciated is how I'm feeling
all I hear is criticism
and sarcasm in your voice
I should've picked the choice
of being alone
As I sit by the phone
like you told me to
I wonder what is it about you
In the beginning
you were the perfect gentleman
doing things no man has done for me
treating me like a Queen
Ring ring
Oh, that must be you calling
feel like not answering
And I think I won't
I'll let you think I'm not here
see how that makes you feel
'Cause I'm tired of you
Telling me what to do
Like I'm a child
And to think you used to make me smile...
Ring ring!
Ring ring!
"Hello! I'm leaving!..."
not sure whether this format is to your taste but it is only a suggestion.
anyhoo good stuff. shine on!
certainly you have some raw emotion going on here.
thats a great start.
I think (though i am no expert) that some poems scream for a few line breaks to help the reader know what kind of pace you are setting.
I am thinking that this poem would benefit from a few. I will give you some suggested line breaks here to see how you feel about it.
.-"'Ring Ring'"-.
Contemplated leaving
unappreciated is how I'm feeling
all I hear is criticism
and sarcasm in your voice
I should've picked the choice
of being alone
As I sit by the phone
like you told me to
I wonder what is it about you
In the beginning
you were the perfect gentleman
doing things no man has done for me
treating me like a Queen
Ring ring
Oh, that must be you calling
feel like not answering
And I think I won't
I'll let you think I'm not here
see how that makes you feel
'Cause I'm tired of you
Telling me what to do
Like I'm a child
And to think you used to make me smile...
Ring ring!
Ring ring!
"Hello! I'm leaving!..."
not sure whether this format is to your taste but it is only a suggestion.
anyhoo good stuff. shine on!
27th Jan 2012 1:38am
I appreciate u re writing my poem. It really sounds better the way u put it. Thank u 4 that.
