Worry Stone

You never understood all that I wrote
You just thought you did
Reading each piece
Knowing where you fit...
 
Why?
 
Because we've broken bread together?
Shared a bed together?
Shared hot sweat together?
While You imagined Me imagining our Forever?
 
I... am... so... sorry...
 
The words follow my tongue all the way to the tip
That's where they settle never letting them slip
 
& though I think it was vain to assume,
Yes. Some of those pieces were about you...
Conjuring good memories, lost images
Pondering the slack, all the Damages
 
To You... To Me...
To Everything...
 
But you set your mind around a Feast of your favorites
Tasting the Thought in my words. So careful to Savor it
Those.
Are the ones that hit you deep from the start
The ones that reach in summoning the beat from your heart
 
Believed yourself the Bullseye to my carefully aimed dart
Stroking Faith into your Ego turning your Heartache into Art
 
Those ones... Were about Him.
 
You don't see that my Passion, is still His
That even as I lie with you I'm still thinking about Him
Still Dreaming about Him
Still missing Him
 
He. Who touches me so right
Made me lose my breath at the very first sight...
He... who broke me.
Discarded me & took me...
 
For granted.
 
Still I compare every face as though if I wished hard enough,
I could invoke
He
HE-who-would-not-have-me!
But…
You will…
&. I won't
You feel…
But. I don't
 
Just a distraction while the Truth catches in my throat
So thick & Damning I just might choke
& the tears that threaten to break free
Turn, instead into a falsehood of Destiny
 
We exchange sultry glances
Pushing further our advances
So we can intertwine in some half-cocked Misery
Forgetting myself in you; spun dizzily
 
Making sure that we're knotted up for the night
Keeping my heart out of reach cuz you have no damn right
A Promise. Of this moment & to expect none beyond...
A lie because Loneliness presses us on
 
To keep you.
The worry stone in my pocket
Keep you.
To dry out these sockets
 
I'll speak to your kisses endlessly
But I am the caged bird that refuses to sing
I cannot be the Light that shatters your Dim
When all I want in this life isn't You...
 
It's Him.