Sick

A wounded word can never be trusted
Nimble on the tongue break through lips busted
Pain threading words that stab wildly, rusted
Mistakes a plenty, afforded me none
Everyday borrowed time if I could just distract the sun

I apologized.
The words draining through me like water through fingertips
Drips.
Sentiments flushed while they still hung from my lips
Because no matter what I did to quell any doubt
Love, Strength and Dedication... ain't got shit on this mouth

Blamed a mean streak that I've been known to wield
Even begged forgiveness to find an even keel
With so much of it you, it couldn't just be me. 
I still took all the blame you refused to receive

Love doesn't just... "Evaporate." Read that again
If I'm that easy to dismiss, then it wasn't my sin,
The blow to your ego or the forsaken bed we slept in
Couldn't have been loyalty, I sat at your feet
Head of the table but it wasn't your seat. 
I championed a coward. A lie stretching the truth 
Pulled over my head. Custom fit noose

I feel… like I'm going to be sick.
I've done everything I can think of trying to fix
This.
Blindsided; felt  like I took one to the chin
Because I couldn't fucking figure how to make you choose me again

But wasn't that your point? To string me along?
Fuck me sideways in the dark while you swear that I'm wrong?
Suspected obsession I was rooted to accept
Nothing ever taboo when conversation makes me wet

Free flowing 
For you like wind through tree limbs
Bends.
Bent backwards to please when I should've cringed
I believed deeply in you and gave too much clout 
That's why you can only complain about me running my mouth

Could've had all you wanted, my only request
Was against standing still. Who knew that'd be a test?
But you rewrote History so your story would stick
Trying to cover up the fact that you're a fucking little bitch

"Find a nice guy." "You're too hard to approach"
Nice guys are only nice until their true colors show
Fuck your Peace of Mind and fake Golden Boy glow
Violated through compulsion and now everyone knows

(E v e r y o n e)

Embarrassed
Gaslighting facade, I bought into your game
Played house just to sabotage every conceivable gain
I avoided the words, hearing them said out loud
But the truth is you're a sadist under an unsuspecting shroud

Thought I was reaping penance to be emotionally maimed
I was better off with assholes and sluts with no name 
Wildly bitter, I still hold onto the taste
Of love that I choked on while Time lay awaste.