the floor

if tired fingers type
upon this screen no hype
no reason to be shy
i hold back nothing i splay it open
i wheild my pen like a sword
cutting the very fabric of time
i see all that lies before
as i lay on this floor
amongst the dirt filth  and grime
im staring ahead my eyes glossed over
finally in last moments i see
that which till now has eluded me
am i dieing im crying
the clarity lended to one sickened junky
crumpled on hells floor
i dont know where i was before
i cant say where it came from
but the bite of this snake
is an addiction i can not shake
this euphoric dillusion
ill stop as soon as i dont have to feel
i am so alone on this floor
i dont wish to see anymore
but alas my friend you cant pretend
that this is a scuicidal attempt
however ill not only succeed but when i am gone
foolish notions ill bleed
there wont be an attempt their'll be a success
ill not do anything half hearted im too passionate
a person for such an unremarkable end
i mean to  lie here half diluted
i see in glossy bloodshot eyes the truths of mankind
i am shown from dreams in day or dreams in night
with gothic wings i take flight
i scour seedy streets and alleys
to find what i need each day hollow'er
than the one before
i sigh relief as the warmth overtakes the cold
i reach for her my one loves hand to hold
they call me selfish they say im careless
but im just really enamored with it all
i mean why cant this be a more perfect me
emotionless without a care
leaping first on every dare
i slide to the door from that broken chair
the ambience in this lair
a burning neglected fire
i sit without anything upon the myre
i plea for relief i ask in dispair
these feelings they eat at me as maggots to death
i cant stop careing they cant stop hurting me
i lay my wrist open without a care up the river not across
still i bleed not from this wound ive got
i cut i feel the warm blood i release
the high is differant im in control
they cant whither and die in me
i am hurting me just to control this kliedascope of pain
all blending together my ties i do sever
my eyes blinking listlessly
there she is they scream a mobb
i lay there on that floor eyes open i dream no more