The Ball Monster

Be careful using the latrine soldier,
I know it's hard when nature calls.
But there's rumours of a shit-monster,
That'll cut off your little balls.

Private Gibson went to take a deuce,
and ended up coming back castrated.
He'd only just had one removed as well,
it's no wonder he's so frustrated.

The last thing we need 'round here,
is someone else's nads getting pinched.
Lieutenant Smith went the other day,
and his scrotum got fucking minced.

We're fired a few round into the hole,
in case there is actually something down there.
Something is said to manifest itself,
amidst the smell and the hazy brown air.

We think it's been collecting them,
to make a bandoleer of severed balls.
It might even be eating them,
or mounting them on the walls.

We've lost enough good sacks to this beast,
so we'll take the fight to it's lair.
You're being assigned to clear it out,
and smoke it out of there.

You need to get down in that shit-bin,
and stick it like a pig.
We don't know what it looks like,
but we do know that it's big.

Don't forget your sidearm,
In case it decides to charge you.
I'd give it five minutes though,
Johnson just did a large poo.

Come to think of it,
He's been extra-merry.
I saw him come out the showers the other day,
standing next to Terry.