deepundergroundpoetry.com
THE TATTERED DOLL
THE TATTERED DOLL
Little girl, what is that cloth doll?
You've acquired it near that foul wall.
It was taken from that dustbin
as it's not what girls would obtain.
Don't run, girl, l will not take it.
This is what from people you've learnt;
what you have they snatch and beat you
as all people can you subdue.
Little girl, you still mistrust me
as you think l'll rob you and flee.
You've robbed me of all my delight,
bringing tears to my dim eye-sight.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Little girl, what is that cloth doll?
You've acquired it near that foul wall.
It was taken from that dustbin
as it's not what girls would obtain.
Don't run, girl, l will not take it.
This is what from people you've learnt;
what you have they snatch and beat you
as all people can you subdue.
Little girl, you still mistrust me
as you think l'll rob you and flee.
You've robbed me of all my delight,
bringing tears to my dim eye-sight.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 21st Jul 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 1
comments 7
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Jul 2020 9:41pm
I challenge any others who have read this deixis and inversion riddled piece to try your hand at a better-written version of it.
Here's mine:
Hey, little girl.
Please let me see the doll that you are carrying.
Good god, it is a dirty, tattered thing
that’s so unlike the dolls
bought for the daughters of the well to do!.
It is some rich girl’s sorry castaway
once found by you,
I must suppose, within a rubbish bin.
It’s fouled, and yet you love it still.
No, don’t be frightened if I reach for it.
I only want to see its state,
not steal it from your hands
or beat you ‘till you give it up to me.
I’m not like that,
though I am sure
you haven’t any reason to think otherwise.
Yes, from the way you’re dressed in rags,
the sores upon your hands and face
the bruises on your arms and legs,
it’s clear you’re born of poverty
and have endured abuse.
Believe me when I say that I've
no wish to do you harm.
You make me pray that it might be God’s will
that someday you’ll receive the love, the joy,
bestowed by you upon your dirty toy.
Here's mine:
Hey, little girl.
Please let me see the doll that you are carrying.
Good god, it is a dirty, tattered thing
that’s so unlike the dolls
bought for the daughters of the well to do!.
It is some rich girl’s sorry castaway
once found by you,
I must suppose, within a rubbish bin.
It’s fouled, and yet you love it still.
No, don’t be frightened if I reach for it.
I only want to see its state,
not steal it from your hands
or beat you ‘till you give it up to me.
I’m not like that,
though I am sure
you haven’t any reason to think otherwise.
Yes, from the way you’re dressed in rags,
the sores upon your hands and face
the bruises on your arms and legs,
it’s clear you’re born of poverty
and have endured abuse.
Believe me when I say that I've
no wish to do you harm.
You make me pray that it might be God’s will
that someday you’ll receive the love, the joy,
bestowed by you upon your dirty toy.
23rd Jul 2020 10:58pm
Your poem is a bad prose paraphrasing of mine. Don't you feel ashamed of doing so?
24th Jul 2020 3:32am
What should I be ashamed of? That I did not employ deixis or the syntactically awkward inversions and the poor rhyme and rhythm that you did? That my piece is metrically more consistent, cohesive, and comprehensible than yours is?
Prose? Seriously? What shall we wager that you can't (and will find some way to not) demonstrate that my versed take on the topic of a man's reaction to seeing a poor girl with the remnants of a doll is what you say it is?
Cue the running away from my questions and the ad hominem responses that you typically engage in.
Prose? Seriously? What shall we wager that you can't (and will find some way to not) demonstrate that my versed take on the topic of a man's reaction to seeing a poor girl with the remnants of a doll is what you say it is?
Cue the running away from my questions and the ad hominem responses that you typically engage in.
19th May 2022 11:15am
How sad, indeed.
It feels ragged and ghostly.
Girls have sensitive dreams and it is always a heartbreaking sight to see them shattered.
It feels ragged and ghostly.
Girls have sensitive dreams and it is always a heartbreaking sight to see them shattered.
19th May 2022 11:53am
Very dear Boyana,
I read the poem to remember its main idea to which you reacted, and know how to answer your comment. Can you believe it? It touched my heart very deeply. It's my honour to read your poetry because you have shown me you have great depth.
I read the poem to remember its main idea to which you reacted, and know how to answer your comment. Can you believe it? It touched my heart very deeply. It's my honour to read your poetry because you have shown me you have great depth.
19th May 2022 8:13pm
19th May 2022 8:59pm
