More & More

Everyday i get more & more depressed.
Sick of the yelling and fighting.
I don't know how much longer i can continue with this facade.
I used to feel more alive when i was in my 20's.
Now in my late 40's, i feel sedated.
I hide my true self & feelings because I'm afraid of the backlash i may receive from those that are around me.
I am more afraid of living than i am of dying.
When i was younger i would daydream of that unknown person that would show me pure love.
Now, i wonder does such a person even exist in this cruel, heartless world?
I'm disgusted with myself.
I despise the person that I've become.
A man who is constantly sad.
I am not worthy of life.
God has put me here in this world as entertainment to the masses.
To be ridiculed & tormented.
I know that's satan playing tricks on me.
More & more this excrement life is tearing my mentality to pieces.
There isn't somebody.
There isn't someone.
There is no one.
There isn't a soul on this rock called earth, that can accept the real me.
The strange,dark humored, fascinated by deranged topics.
AM I RIGHT?
AM I WRONG?
Will anyone take me by the hand and whisper into my ear, " larry, I'll take you as you are. We can be strange together. "