Lucifer's Bitch

Undone.

Still in shock.

Disbelief.

Questioning everything.

Accepting nothing at face value.

Preparing.

Surely more too come.

Ironic.

Really.

So, so many tried.

To bring me here.

Down here.

Hurts.

Going to be a long time down.

This time.

Broke something.

This time.

Just need to breathe.

Been here before.

I think.

But I always believed.

I believed I was inherently good.

Flawed but good.

I believed my intentions were true.

Often clumsy but true.

I believed I genuinely cared.

For the sake of loving that which others spurned.

I believed I was gifted in connection,

To heal the hurts.

I even believed I was beautiful.

In soul, at least.

Now.

I don't.

Believe any of that.

Convenient.

Palatable.

Lies.

Teaspoon of sugar.

To help the pathetic loneliness go down.

I can't look in the mirror.

Too ashamed to look myself in the eyes.

Honesty.

Time for some.

I'm just a wretched soul.

Having long ago accepted condemnation.

Begging outside the gates of Hell.

For what blackened crumbs might be spared.

For Lucifer's bitch.