Confessions of the human anatomy

I know it's stupid so there's no need to say it is
This is an urge I have been struggling with
This is called baby fever
Many teens go through it
It's a common feeling.
This feeling has kept me yerning

I want a baby even though it may be irrational
I yearn for this experience that people deem magical
I am aware not all feel this way
These emotions these feelings just won't go away.
To feel the small movements of a baby within

To feel your baby grow and maybe I won't be so alone
No one in my family will pick up the phone
I know to some people I am loved
But in my family, I never seem to matter
A baby won't fix my family issues

I am painfully aware but honestly, I do not care
I hate that I'm angry when I see someone who is pregnant
But that someone is never me.
A baby is a blessing, a miracle in disguise
To many this an unwanted life that must die

This urge is a burden
I feel deep down in my soul
When I seem to forget my irritational urges,
I see a baby and they return 10x stronger than before
This isn't something I can't return to a store
Or just slam the door in its face

Because of this feeling, I seem to be an utter disgrace
It's hard to look at my husband in his face
He knows what I want and says he's ready
But maybe this baby I want is a burden too heavy
My mom says wait and take it steady

She swears to god that I am not ready
And maybe she's right
But is anyone really prepared
This is a life-changing event I want to bare
There are days I feel like I am empty inside

On these day depression makes me want to die
I want, no I need this baby
But everyone thinks I'm not ready
You honestly don't know me at all
I want to hold a baby that's so small

To share the warmth of my body
With him or her, a good life is what every baby
Sick or healthy deserves.
This I know is not a phase this baby fever leaves me in a daze
An unknown thick haze in my mind
It brings hot tears to my stinging eyes

Baby fever is something I can not erase
It is not something I can learn to hate
The choices I make will not be a mistake
But their ones I would want to take.