evil i (attacking the temple)

naked
in front of the mirror
covered in scars
I remember sodomizing myself with a 12 inch bread knife
stabbing the root
trying to cut off my connection to the earth
and the color was red
I see the place on my dick
where I had sliced it trying to kill the sacrum...
which was edified and destroyed by a girl besides
and the color was orange
I can see the place on my stomach
where I stabbed my midriff
trying to attack my chi
to weaken power
and the color was yellow
I can see the place on my chest
where I tried to stab my heart
a mess of scar tissue remains
(it was difficult to get between the ribs)
(I managed to puncture the lung)
(I remember the voice telling me to cough)
(and I remember air escaping from the hole as I did so)
(if I hadn't coughed my lung would have collapsed)
(why did he help me?)
and the color was green
I can see the place on my neck
where I slit my throat open
trying to empty my life force
and quiet communication
(I remember the gush of blood the poured out)...
(when the knife first ripped through the skin)
and the color was blue
I see the place on my forehead
where I stabbed my third eye
trying to shut down intuition
and the color was indigo
I touch the top of my head
where I attacked the crown
trying to cut ties with the divine
and the color was purple
but I did not succeed in destroying the temple
I look at myself in the mirror
I'm covered in the aftermath of paying mind to a voice...
that was orchestrating some sacrificial ritual to destroy not only my body...
but all of existence
would it have followed?
I do not know
but there were others with me...
and they did not permit my demise
they saved me
for better or worse I stand here now
in front of a mirror
covered in scars
still consumed with thoughts of suicide...
lurking in the back corners of my thoughts.