Doctor Paddy MacTurffy

I’m Doctor Paddy McTurffy.
Is that a tatty in yer ear?
Come inside my surgery.
Just mind mi pint o’ beer.

Having troubled bunions?
Take yer self a seat.
Good heavens! Did you wash ‘em?
By the smell it was last week.

A constipated uncle?
Take this four piece clover.
Once a month on Sunday
Go wave it till it’s over.

And say ‘Aaargh! ’ ooh.
Tis a puffy tonsil fester.
Put this poppy in yer stew -
You’ll be as jolly as a jester.

Yer blood is red and gooey.
Yer glucose off the margin.
Put a bet on Irish luck.
Pond leeches are a bargain!

Here now take mi card.
Have a care free day.
If buttocks turn out speckled
Weed the nettles every May!