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THE HUNCH-BANK OF NOTRE DAME
THE HUNCH-BACK OF NOTRE DAME
All the people have one they love.
Why am l deprived and lonely?
They look at a girl and she smiles.
When l look, she has the giggles.
Are they sons of queens and nobles,
and l am the son of servants?
Even servants have their lovers,
or l would not be on the earth.
Lord, l heard that poor Lazarus
had his sorrows at that plush gate.
Have l got mine where no sweet girl
gives me greetings but for kindness?
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
All the people have one they love.
Why am l deprived and lonely?
They look at a girl and she smiles.
When l look, she has the giggles.
Are they sons of queens and nobles,
and l am the son of servants?
Even servants have their lovers,
or l would not be on the earth.
Lord, l heard that poor Lazarus
had his sorrows at that plush gate.
Have l got mine where no sweet girl
gives me greetings but for kindness?
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 26th Apr 2020
| Edited 27th Apr 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
27th Apr 2020 00:38am
The hunch bank??
And surely you meant to write "or l would noT be on the earth."
Besides that, you seem to equate having a lover with having someone who returns one's love. Lots of children have been sired by people who had no love for each other.
And then there's deixis in your question-begging and unattested claim that " Lazarus had his sorrows at THAT plush gate". Which gate was "that" Gate?
What would a would-be poet learn from this about how poetry is to be written if what he/she writes is to be viewed as good poetry?
And surely you meant to write "or l would noT be on the earth."
Besides that, you seem to equate having a lover with having someone who returns one's love. Lots of children have been sired by people who had no love for each other.
And then there's deixis in your question-begging and unattested claim that " Lazarus had his sorrows at THAT plush gate". Which gate was "that" Gate?
What would a would-be poet learn from this about how poetry is to be written if what he/she writes is to be viewed as good poetry?
27th Apr 2020 1:00am
I've loved all women I have seen
from up upon
my lonely perch in Notre Dame.
But have I ever known that love
returned to me.
The answer’s no.
And if I lurch among the throng of them below,
it’s fear that wells up in their eyes.
My face is a mis-shapen enterprise
that’s only fit, as I pass by,
to leave repulsion in its wake.
I am, much more
than unwrapped, stinking Lazarus
was surely seen to be
when he came forth
from out his grave,
a horror show.
from up upon
my lonely perch in Notre Dame.
But have I ever known that love
returned to me.
The answer’s no.
And if I lurch among the throng of them below,
it’s fear that wells up in their eyes.
My face is a mis-shapen enterprise
that’s only fit, as I pass by,
to leave repulsion in its wake.
I am, much more
than unwrapped, stinking Lazarus
was surely seen to be
when he came forth
from out his grave,
a horror show.
27th Apr 2020 9:24am
Very dear Lozzamus,
Thank you very much for liking my poem. Indeed, l am very grateful to you for your encouragement.
Thank you very much for liking my poem. Indeed, l am very grateful to you for your encouragement.
27th Apr 2020 9:37am
Very dear Baldwin,
1- Thank you for telling me about: would noT.
2- The HUNCH-BACK is a human being whether he is deformed or not. He has his own feelings, and he is sorry for his condition. He needs love like any other person.
3- l am talking about another Lazarus. The poor one at the gate of the rich man. He had his hard life on earth, and he expected a different one in heaven.
1- Thank you for telling me about: would noT.
2- The HUNCH-BACK is a human being whether he is deformed or not. He has his own feelings, and he is sorry for his condition. He needs love like any other person.
3- l am talking about another Lazarus. The poor one at the gate of the rich man. He had his hard life on earth, and he expected a different one in heaven.
"2- The HUNCH-BACK is a human being whether he is deformed or not. He has his own feelings, and he is sorry for his condition. He needs love like any other person."
But your title uses the word "bank", not "back".
And your opening lines convey the idea that what the hunchback needs is to be able to express love, not to be loved. So if what you were trying to say was the latter, you need to re-write what you wrote. More than that, it simply is not true that "all the people" have one they love (or are loved by someone). There are lots of people who have no one in their lives.
And I'll ask again: what would a would-be poet learn about how to write good poetry by looking at your submission?
But your title uses the word "bank", not "back".
And your opening lines convey the idea that what the hunchback needs is to be able to express love, not to be loved. So if what you were trying to say was the latter, you need to re-write what you wrote. More than that, it simply is not true that "all the people" have one they love (or are loved by someone). There are lots of people who have no one in their lives.
And I'll ask again: what would a would-be poet learn about how to write good poetry by looking at your submission?
