....Told you so...

At age six I didn't wanna live pass age 10
So I stopped living at age 9
I mean I've tried suicide 12 times
9 was the first time , right after mom died ...
Like a deadly proposal
And she just won't say yes....
Now tell me... if death refuses ....
Then heavens , I shouldn't haven even been born....
A colossal mistake ...
An abomination....
It's against human nature to want to die
" we all have that spirit to wanna live ....
It's just that situations get so bad sometimes that living doesn't seem worth it but deep down people still wanna live , they just don't like the current situation, which is practically healthy, and guess what , it changes ... and things get better , they find something worth fighting for , hoping for ,and good times make it seem like that situation was so far gone you hardly remember it , cause you get to face new ones .... and new ones ... and such is how it goes .... that is living .... until there is no more in it's due course "....
Great Jeff... nice speech... I don't know who gave you heart ....
But honestly we both know that I am made differently ....
I never wanted to live ...
I never did ... not even a little ....
I'm empty inside.... there is no joy ....
Heaven knows there has never been happiness....
Hope is based on having had happiness ... how can I want something I never had... " like a dog chasing tires , I wouldn't know what to do with it if I caught it " .
Then why the hell are you still alive ?

Because I can't hurt people,  I care about them, every single one of them , and like it or not there are a few really amazing people who care about me ... and me going will hurt a lot after all the effort the put in to keep me around ... oh boy now I sound like you... screw you!!! I wanna go .... I don't care about the light that you see , we both know once everyone gets there we won't go cause we don't fit in so what's worth fighting for ... really the more we fight the more hypocritical we are ... telling people live is worth living when you yourself wanna die ... what kinda person  are you... a living lie ? We both know I'm broken and it can't be fixed .... and it's painful...  all this you is just glue trying to keep us together for everyone else.... and wanna know the messed up thing ? They have this saying in the world " you live your life,  you do you , you only live once,  do what makes you happy " .... lol if you put your thought to it , it's like they aren't even hearing what they are saying ... the contradiction in those words it's hilarious,  no wonder the world is so screwed , it's practically stripping itself by the thread ... like it's bolt up to tight ... screw this I'm done ... I'll just shut up ... you do what you want ... we both know the truth ... I told you so .