Come back to earth

  Dearest Nicolette,
I know I was too young
and that I probably couldn’t have been the best mommy to you
Your daddy and I would’ve struggled
We would’ve still done everything we could to make your life the best.
You were our creation, our baby girl.
I carried you inside me, you are eternally a piece of me, the marks you left on me remind me, they remind me that I am strong, that I am a mommy and that you live through me, through us.
  February 9th 2017, this day changed me. As I sat on the floor of the shower caressing my belly, caressing you
I felt shock and pain that only a mother could experience.
I watched the blood rush to the drain and rage like a whirlpool.
I screamed and begged for help but no one came
I wanted to save you but there was nothing mommy could do. I’m eternally sorry and If I could go back and change everything, you’d be here in my arms
a beautiful baby girl.

I buried you covered in my own blood and weeped wondering why it was me this had to happen to. That experience, heartbreak isn’t enough to describe what I felt seeing your tiny body there not moving did to me.
I know it’s my fault, Im so sorry.