deepundergroundpoetry.com
THE HIGH PRICE
THE HIGH PRICE
Each man feels that he is the only one,
who is the central part of all the world,
and Jesus felt the same; He was a man
and sensed what other men were going through.
This Man and God knew well His sacrifice,
but was aware it would save Adam's kind.
He pitied them as Adam felt great joy
ere he was thrown a prey in his tough world.
But He could also know the price was high,
and He would pass throughout the cross rough way.
It would be His slow death that would approach
in those most horrid steps to that sad end.
They began beating Him; it was the start
of coming stages that were void of ruth
as all were gruesome, leading to grim death,
the sad departure from the near and far.
But man was weak and dear, and He loved him,
and wanted him to share the afterlife,
the life He wished to all who hoped to share,
even the thief who asked Him to be there.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Each man feels that he is the only one,
who is the central part of all the world,
and Jesus felt the same; He was a man
and sensed what other men were going through.
This Man and God knew well His sacrifice,
but was aware it would save Adam's kind.
He pitied them as Adam felt great joy
ere he was thrown a prey in his tough world.
But He could also know the price was high,
and He would pass throughout the cross rough way.
It would be His slow death that would approach
in those most horrid steps to that sad end.
They began beating Him; it was the start
of coming stages that were void of ruth
as all were gruesome, leading to grim death,
the sad departure from the near and far.
But man was weak and dear, and He loved him,
and wanted him to share the afterlife,
the life He wished to all who hoped to share,
even the thief who asked Him to be there.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 10th Apr 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
"thrown a prey"??
"of coming stages that were void of ruth"???
"He would pass throughout the cross rough way??
How is this good, let alone comprehensible, English?
And leaving aside the fact that (according only to Luke) what one of the "thieves (actually "terrorists" ) asked Jesus was that he be remembered by Jesus when Jesus came into his kingly power ( Ἰησοῦ, μνήσθητί μου ὅταν ἔλθῃς εἰς τὴν βασιλείαν σου), are you aware that given the syntax of this line:
"even the thief who asked Him to be there"
you are saying that the "thief" requested that Jesus end up in "the afterlife"?
Sorry, but this overly pious all tell, no show piece is demonstrably replete with bad writing.
"of coming stages that were void of ruth"???
"He would pass throughout the cross rough way??
How is this good, let alone comprehensible, English?
And leaving aside the fact that (according only to Luke) what one of the "thieves (actually "terrorists" ) asked Jesus was that he be remembered by Jesus when Jesus came into his kingly power ( Ἰησοῦ, μνήσθητί μου ὅταν ἔλθῃς εἰς τὴν βασιλείαν σου), are you aware that given the syntax of this line:
"even the thief who asked Him to be there"
you are saying that the "thief" requested that Jesus end up in "the afterlife"?
Sorry, but this overly pious all tell, no show piece is demonstrably replete with bad writing.
11th Apr 2020 1:34pm
Please tell me how and why, if you think it's so, this piece of mine is not far more evocative and better written than your clumsy, confusing, poorly written, and theologically questionable piece above.
I watched him die,
this γόης,
this thorn crowned
nail impaled ψευδοπροφήτης,
this professed Jewish king
who’d be the ruining of Israel
if we, his covenanted people, took seriously
his claim that Yahweh’s mandate
makes it clear
we should display
a piety that centers in
a loving non resistance to our enemy,
the Kittim, Romans, hated conquerors,
and revelers in idolatry.
He cried aloud
with his last breath,
bereft of joy
and in despair,
deserted by his “loyal” followers,
at how his “eloi”also
had abandoned him,
the poor benighted sod.
So now I see his lie,
and how deluded in his notion of the “gospel”
and the contours of his ministry
this rabid Galilean was
and that it’s utter foolishness
to think there’s some salvation
or reward in being faithful
to his cross bound understanding
of the ways of God.
I watched him die,
this γόης,
this thorn crowned
nail impaled ψευδοπροφήτης,
this professed Jewish king
who’d be the ruining of Israel
if we, his covenanted people, took seriously
his claim that Yahweh’s mandate
makes it clear
we should display
a piety that centers in
a loving non resistance to our enemy,
the Kittim, Romans, hated conquerors,
and revelers in idolatry.
He cried aloud
with his last breath,
bereft of joy
and in despair,
deserted by his “loyal” followers,
at how his “eloi”also
had abandoned him,
the poor benighted sod.
So now I see his lie,
and how deluded in his notion of the “gospel”
and the contours of his ministry
this rabid Galilean was
and that it’s utter foolishness
to think there’s some salvation
or reward in being faithful
to his cross bound understanding
of the ways of God.
13th Apr 2020 4:18pm
What rubbish you spew out
when you assert
so apodictically
that each and every man on earth
feels he is in himself
the very thing that all the world
(the cosmos, too)
revolves around.
Oh, maybe that is true of you,
especially since you oft
present yourself
as God’s own voice
and the anointed king of poetry.
It ain’t of me.
I know that I am not
creation’s centering.
Nor should I be.
when you assert
so apodictically
that each and every man on earth
feels he is in himself
the very thing that all the world
(the cosmos, too)
revolves around.
Oh, maybe that is true of you,
especially since you oft
present yourself
as God’s own voice
and the anointed king of poetry.
It ain’t of me.
I know that I am not
creation’s centering.
Nor should I be.
13th Apr 2020 6:02pm
How fascinating
Assuming that you are speaking here
"Each man feels that he is the only one,
who is the central part of all the world..."
of how arrogant and hubristic a man (but not a woman) is when he thinks that the world revolves around him, you assert that Jesus was also an arrogant S o B since you assert that he also "... Jesus felt the same"
Wow.
If you meant to state that there is a contrast between Jesus and men, since what Jesus felt about himself was true, whereas what men feel about themselves is not, you haven't done so.
And please don't say that this is clear to those who have imagination. It's not. If people don't see what you were trying to say, it's not because they do not how to read poetry. It's because you don't know how to write clearly and actually say what you think you are saying.
Assuming that you are speaking here
"Each man feels that he is the only one,
who is the central part of all the world..."
of how arrogant and hubristic a man (but not a woman) is when he thinks that the world revolves around him, you assert that Jesus was also an arrogant S o B since you assert that he also "... Jesus felt the same"
Wow.
If you meant to state that there is a contrast between Jesus and men, since what Jesus felt about himself was true, whereas what men feel about themselves is not, you haven't done so.
And please don't say that this is clear to those who have imagination. It's not. If people don't see what you were trying to say, it's not because they do not how to read poetry. It's because you don't know how to write clearly and actually say what you think you are saying.
