Sister  https://youtu.be/VJDJs9dumZI

Sister, I'm sitting outside tonight by the fire, our girls are in my bed sleeping or they are giving me some time to write this  
just me, your black flannel PJ's,  
sherpa robe,
wrapped up like a burrito in my blanket…
 
I'm being careful about blowing the steam away from my tea… can you see me
Did you see us…I know you did my love
 
 The tea, it''s fogging up my glasses or is it the tears he was able to bring out of me with a song...
Go figure, your all-time remedy for universal communication… Music baby.. Music
 
I really don't care about my cheeks being cold
He made me cry...thankfully,  finally  
What a beautiful friend he became
I felt really uncomfortable at first being attracted to someone who You had a crush on
I never realized I could be have a great friendship, with a man
Malady always knew what was best...
 
Never in a million years would I have broken the sister code  
He's definitely a rare person  
Could you send him some peace of mind
He carries an enormous amount of duty and do diligence that would break the backs of 3 men combined….physically...mentally...spiritually
 
 
You'd be honestly thrilled with his life now
He fell in love and found a woman who would love him like you wanted for him
He's married, sis
You got your wish Angel  
 
Contemplating, presently in wonder …
Do I share my private life and what I am going through?  
Why not. What will I lose? My freedom of speech..Take it, haters, if you want it that bad
It's yours if you want it.
I don't give a shit anymore  
 
I believe I have finally come to the point in my life to force myself to feel my { loss }
I am exhausted trying to get over it and if I don't explain to myself how I hate the word loss to describe grief, I'm not doing anything for myself to heal.
 
 I also hate when people ask if you are ok. It's a stupid question. No, I'm not ok. How the fuck are you supposed to be ok.
I didn't Lose my twin, Lose my best friend, Lose my everything.
 I can never locate her again. She's dead and my heart has a hole, my mind, body and physical connection with her is shattered.
 
Move along if you don't like long reads. This is for me.
 
Dear sister,
Thank you for moving the clouds for us, as
it was crisp and silent when we looked up to the stars tonight and saw that spark you always had inside your eyes.
Memories surged my mind.
I remember
when we would compete to see who could name the most Constellations, always starting with Orion. You always let me win and you know it lol
Sister,
 I felt you tonight briefly touch my hair and I could smell you over the fire, then you were gone. Thanks for the Stag. He's been around carefully watching us again
I'm not sure if he will eventually get closer to is … I bet there is Gaia behind his eyes
That's alright though…he's nature.. We are in his home...It's badass, that he's here and there, gently guarding his land
 
I still have unanswered questions
 
Do you still have our memories where you are now?  
I remember what it felt like embracing each other as children. Not wanting to let go of each other because we finally felt whole. I remember looking at us as if I was looking in a mirror.
You were the prettiest and the bravest
I know we're mirror twins
We knew the difference between us
At least I didn't snorkel when I laughed  
 
In 4 hrs I'll feel you succumb again  
 
I can no longer dismiss our memories anymore.
 Just because I became too much of a coward to feel them
I am stronger than I knew…
Thanks, sis  
 ...another lesson from you
 
My biggest fear is that
 when I get old, will my memories of you, us, our time together with our girls
fade away?
 
 I have looked everywhere for something I will never feel physically again  
Whole
 I am without my identity of being a mirror twin=
Identification of the communication between one soul and  
two identical physical forms
It's gone. You are gone. Who am I now?
 
Our miracle  
Spiritual purpose of our birth
Connection to our being  
The reason we existed
Our unfailing bond
 
Do you remember when our DNA parents sold us like unwanted animals to 2 different families? Or how we discovered each other? Is that important now?
 
You will never be old. And as I grow older, my body ages. You'll always remain young.
Your spirit is still with me, becoming numb was easier
I feel it
I see signs of you
I refuse to dismiss the signs anymore
I will fill it with
the emptiness of the hole  
inside my spirit, is your memory... scarred  
At least I have the scars
It's better than a nonentity  
 
We were number girls, as we were meant to be
You and your music.  
Me and my numbers.  
We became a beautiful combo
Remember, " Double the strength, double the power, " lol...Fuck I miss you babes
I miss you, T.
 
I admire the power we achieved,
to have the courage to tell our families
 to fuck their traditions
 and become what we were fated to be.
Self-made women of our own choosing
Loving the fact that they disowned us lol
DID WE PROVE THEM WRONG???
You're damn right we did, Malady.
 
Lmao...thinking about their pompous assess  
 Finally crawling back...claiming us back as we were succeeding
 
 Bit.-by-Bit.
 
We were the higher ground they couldn't buy  
Fools, they didn't know any better  
 
Funny how when we were broke, without food, standing in a food line, we were considered deplorable, weak and failures
They never understood how much we needed to be taught that life lesson
 
Okay, I am going to take a deep breath and let this nightmare out of my head...  
 
I am ready to talk to you about what I went through as your body died gradually for 6 minutes…
Breathe  
 
I can still feel and hear  
the windshield split open your skull
When I fell to the floor  
trying to breathe
As the dashboard crushed your lungs
I can still feel your heart explode
the second you died
in my chest
 
"6 minutes and she bled out," he said...
How fucking cruel to make me aware you felt yourself die…i wish he knew that I felt it while you were dying…
                      Another membrane  
Horrifically stained and permanently scarred  
 
Why couldn't he lie and tell me you died on impact? Heartless human jerk
 
I can still hear us scream
 
Thank you again for DUP
It's a refuge from our world  
Beautiful love in the power of words
Funny thing is, there is just as much cruelty and kindness here, as in our world
Some people are so blinded by their own words
Pretty harsh for adults,  
yet, on here is beauty,  
in the dreamers and romanticism of fantasy
 
When I first came here as L.O.T.Q.
Beyond anything, I could've done alone.
Your beautiful friends that reached out
Sharing your work with me that they saved because of the kindness that you, my sister gave to anyone, who was fortunate enough to have encountered your presence
 
Then
 
Some refuse to live and learn
Oddity now present in my daily life
It's like chosen deafness  
Too stubborn to actively listen,  
and hear the beautiful creations
 From a poet's quill
 
Here, I can
Raise us up
and out of the shadows
With a pen name and words...
Stellar my sis
You were a genius to come
 
Scattering riddles that are riddled with the truth
I searched inside a world I didn't know
Thought I could be clever and fake it
I fucked that up the first time
Now I am back for try #2 Lagertha  
I stopped trying to be something I am not..
Normal.. Whatever that means anyway
We never wanted to be normal...
I want to be free to be who I am
Guaranteed with a lifetime warranty…
 
The only thing holding me back to join you
on the empty days
Is Hope and Faith
That is the only thing I have left  
to keep me bound to you
And tonight it feels like I fucked that up too
 
Till next year Trish… Happy fucking St. Patrick's day
Luck of the Irish…
Fuck that Irish quote
🍀
Today is not a guaranteed by luck
Today is guaranteed to be beautiful.. by those who choose kindness, rather than push their luck
Peace peeps