Poem (14)Two weeks, Too Weak

Two weeks ago I met my life where I felt like I was on the mountain top    
Then pain met me today  
Heartbreak danced in my head so hard Ibuprofen couldn’t fix it    
I laid on my couch for 8 hrs    
I loved her for 365 plus days    
And it amounted to nothing    
My account was positive it hadn’t been in a while that the negative thought I was acting brand new    
I abused my own time pushing everything to the side for her like I ain’t have to shit to do    
Like it was a challenge    
go hard or go home    
So I went hard then went home to overthink what I had done wrong    
She didn’t want me one time    
She didn’t want me the second time around    
I lost score    
I’m used to winning    
And putting points on the board like basketball    
But somehow along this road I fell    
And I scraped the best part of me    
That my mental is sore    
And it won’t heal    
Because I feel like I wasn’t worthy of trust    
Was it love or lust? She’ll never know    
It’s safe to say these feelings haven’t been watered so they won’t grow    
That’s what she wants    
We cool tho    
   
Now    
He tore me down    
It’s been 17 years and half    
And I every time I’d get something I’d give him half    
I thought I had it all    
And put every fukin thing to side to give him all of me    
You see how I love?    
It’s all or nothing    
And now it’s 2020    
And in value I have nothing    
He doesn’t give a damn if I’m going or coming    
So I stopped fukin so HE ain’t coming    
Now    
She was a situation in my head    
When I would lay my head Down I’d think of her    
When I would see her I’d get butterflies    
And we would talk for minutes on the daily and I knew She’d tell me a bunch of lies    
So I could set my boat to float the other way because she wasn’t feeling me    
And didn’t want to be a participant on my ship    
   
My Novia,    
We got a little close but not close enough    
They say no pain no gain    
But see I put in the Work and it amounted to pain and gained a pound of agony    
Some days I’m mad at me    
Wearing my heart on sleeve    
Just because to me she looked yummy    
The sexual appetite was hungry    
But I’m starving because these games were played and I ended up empty    
The enemy is a brave fuck    
Because she’s a teaser, and    
Never aimed to please my heart      
made me think I was weaker than average    
Now, My feelings can’t be salvaged    
So my ego is torched    
This heart is not home ,turn the lights out on the porch    
 I spent too much time chasing a fukin dream    
I mismanaged    
Wanting ice cream that was too cold    
To digest    
Wanting the middle of the sandwich    
However you want me to eat the word play    
Her feelings didn’t manifest    
The rejection I had to stomach it    
Some days I’d play basketball    
And vomit it    
Vomit what?    
The stupidity I presented because    
Of my audacity to present it    
In the manner I delivered it    
The triangle offense lacked a tight defense    
The four page letter wasn’t equal or even to her response    
Three short lines    
And Two emojis    
You know how hard a hit that blow    
be    
BeLOW the belt    
Had me feeling like Ewing when he missed a layout in “That” game at Madison Square Garden    
Now you see how I’m feeling because I didn’t reach the botanical garden    
But we cool tho?    
   
Now see    
My heart is out of my chest    
So I don’t have a heart to fukin feel    
The damage    
I’m a savage now!    
   
Two weeks ago    
I was high off life    
I felt good    
I looked good    
I smelled good    
I wooed who I could    
But my efforts weren’t accepted    
Or reciprocated    
So I had to retort the humiliation    
By    
Resorting to sharp, curt and nasty replies    
   
   
Today, I had to swallow the pain and get off the couch    
Swat those nasty flies they spread infectious gossip    
I have shit to do , like wash up !    
I’m over the hurt, I gota Boss up    
I’m not abusing my charm    
No harm no foul  
But in the next two weeks    
My strength will increase in my arms    
Increase my monetary funds    
I’ll have so many clovers bitches will think I’m their lucky charm!    
Calm down!  
I’ll eat the heartbreak That was feeding my mental for so long    
I’ll spit out these weak ass feelings    
Eye cut you a fuck you but still be gentle    
Hold on I’m not wrong for this    
I’ll Peel off these layers of unworthiness    
Clothe myself in I’m better than this    
Walk over the bullshit    
And while I’m lifting weights getting physically stronger    
I’ll think of all the    
I am’s    
I am worthy,    
 intelligent,    
sometimes reticent,    
An asshole if you push me,    
 kind if you love me,    
A lover if you let me, witty periodically,    
An introvert inside of this poetry    
An extrovert in nocturnal hours    
       The bed or the shower? ,    
Loyal, don’t betray me,    
vindictive With reasoning,    
Cold hearted in the seasons    
A Summertime dreamer    
A Wintertime sleeper    
Sexy    
I’m a keeper    
I am not a Player    
Just a peeker    
   
Two weeks ago    
I was a non believer    
If you ask me now    
I’ll say I don’t need her    
Fuck her    
Who?    
Love?    
Why?    
Because I didn’t get to fuck her    
Laugh out loud real loud !!    
I’m not an earth eater, or a bottom feeder,    
I am the Top breeder    
I am silently    
Still going to keep my nouns in check    
She will    
But , I won’t try to understand    
He will    
But, I won’t impose any demands    
Or    
Keep these verbs under pressure    
Like I did her?    
I’ll remember how love made a fool of me    
And approach these adverbs secretly    
How ?    
Quickly replacing you with some else    
When? Soon, later,    
In two weeks,    
Where?    
Downstairs with someone you used to know    
How often you say ?Frequently    
How much you ask? “Too”” much or    
As many times it takes to fuk your mind up    
Like you fucked mine    
I’m going to fuk this poetry in and out of a rhyme    
I realized I never liked green eggs and ham    
I need satisfaction from a man    
I was just lost within an acrostic love    
see Poem 8 on a projector    
You’re  the doctor    
Diagnosis it    
Then wrap your mind around    
This poetic prognosis    
Fuk love isn’t a treatment    
Moving on was prescribed    
But I never filled it !!    
Because    
I’m still telling stories!!    
Warning ! Parental Advisory    
Fuck ! An ending    
Just rewind this    
Love is condescending