deepundergroundpoetry.com
A FOETUS' COMPLAINT
A FOETUS' COMPLAINT
I thought the womb would be the safest place,
and l would be so pleased with my dear mum.
I did not know that fathers would conspire
with mothers to commit such a grave crime.
The doctor with the nurses dressed in white
as angels of white mercy joined the two.
Could you believe that mothers shared the plot
while l imagined mothers loved their babes.
The doctor with his group cut my soft flesh.
What had l done to suffer such a fate?
I was not stunned by doctors and their groups,
but by my parents who killed their own child.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
I thought the womb would be the safest place,
and l would be so pleased with my dear mum.
I did not know that fathers would conspire
with mothers to commit such a grave crime.
The doctor with the nurses dressed in white
as angels of white mercy joined the two.
Could you believe that mothers shared the plot
while l imagined mothers loved their babes.
The doctor with his group cut my soft flesh.
What had l done to suffer such a fate?
I was not stunned by doctors and their groups,
but by my parents who killed their own child.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 29th Feb 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 355
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Mar 2020 12:00pm
Very Dear Baldwin,
Do you leave your friend so abruptly and easily, Baldwin? What is the matter? I've got used to your scourge. Please, let's keep as close friends as before, and say whatever you like, but don't get annoyed with me. I am very sorry.
Do you leave your friend so abruptly and easily, Baldwin? What is the matter? I've got used to your scourge. Please, let's keep as close friends as before, and say whatever you like, but don't get annoyed with me. I am very sorry.
What's the point of staying with you? Why should I endure your question dodging attacks against my person or continue to watch you find irrelevant excuses for not answering the questions I ask of you or to see you label them from a high horse as not worth your time? More importantly, why should I waste my time in reading what are essentially all tell, no show turgid, preachy, often incoherent and incohesive, mistitled, and poorly written, vocabulary dull and limited submissions in which you keep showing that you don't know what you are talking about?
2nd Mar 2020 4:19pm
The Psalmist notes, it’s true,
that he was refuged by his mother’s womb
when all his inward parts
were being knitted up by God.
But nowhere does he claim
that all the while that he was covered there
that he was capable of conscious thought
or speech
or knowledge of what then
outside his fleshy tomb
was going on
or what was being planned
for him (or not)
by any of his kin.
So the biblical (and not to mention
modern medical) perception of
just what a foetus can perceive
or think or say before it comes to term
would seem to place
conceptual constraint
and set the name “absurdity”
on your “appeal to pity” notion that
it has awareness
of rejecting parents’ foul conspiracies
or the real ability
to utter a complaint.
that he was refuged by his mother’s womb
when all his inward parts
were being knitted up by God.
But nowhere does he claim
that all the while that he was covered there
that he was capable of conscious thought
or speech
or knowledge of what then
outside his fleshy tomb
was going on
or what was being planned
for him (or not)
by any of his kin.
So the biblical (and not to mention
modern medical) perception of
just what a foetus can perceive
or think or say before it comes to term
would seem to place
conceptual constraint
and set the name “absurdity”
on your “appeal to pity” notion that
it has awareness
of rejecting parents’ foul conspiracies
or the real ability
to utter a complaint.
Let’s take the line breaks out of this and see what we have.
I thought the womb would be the safest place [for what?], and l would be so pleased with my dear mum [pleased about what?]. I did not know that fathers would conspire with mothers to commit such a grave crime [which great crime?]. The doctor with the [his?] nurses dressed in **white** as angels of **white** mercy joined the two [which two?]. Could you believe that mothers shared the plot [which plot?] while l imagined mothers loved their babes. The doctor with his group cut my soft flesh. What had l done to suffer such a fate? I was not stunned by doctors and their groups, but by my parents who killed their own child.
Besides not actually resembling a complaint, this is essentially dull, image-less, deixis filled prose that lacks any power to bring readers inside an experience or make them see something with their eyes shut. And how could a dead child speak, let alone be stunned by anything.
DOA.
I thought the womb would be the safest place [for what?], and l would be so pleased with my dear mum [pleased about what?]. I did not know that fathers would conspire with mothers to commit such a grave crime [which great crime?]. The doctor with the [his?] nurses dressed in **white** as angels of **white** mercy joined the two [which two?]. Could you believe that mothers shared the plot [which plot?] while l imagined mothers loved their babes. The doctor with his group cut my soft flesh. What had l done to suffer such a fate? I was not stunned by doctors and their groups, but by my parents who killed their own child.
Besides not actually resembling a complaint, this is essentially dull, image-less, deixis filled prose that lacks any power to bring readers inside an experience or make them see something with their eyes shut. And how could a dead child speak, let alone be stunned by anything.
DOA.
