Sadness of the third degree

I searched for love in my heart,
yet I could not find it.
Instead, there is a hole,
And from it,
Blood weeps unto my hand.

I reached for happiness,
yet I found sorrow.
My dark red blood is draining away,
and mother earth eagerly drinks.
I lay in my remorse,
My regret,
A bullet through my heart.

Where do you find love?
I have seen so many others happy,
Drunk in love.
Yet when I search for loves welcome,
I find sorrow holding the gun.

As I lay,
Waiting for deaths warm embrace,
I find apathy offering a cure.
Can I take it?
I have no choice but to.
I am ironic for doing so,
For life in apathy,
Is a life full of sorrow.