deepundergroundpoetry.com
poisen flames
As I burn from your lies
you sit there with a smile
your poison fills me with pain
I fade away like a burning memory
the poison flames are surrounding my broken body
lost in time
forever living
in the shadows.
you sit there with a smile
your poison fills me with pain
I fade away like a burning memory
the poison flames are surrounding my broken body
lost in time
forever living
in the shadows.
Published 21st Dec 2011
| Edited 22nd Dec 2011
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Anonymous
21st Dec 2011 11:20pm
....you need to edit this. You are showing no care for your reader;
As I burn from your lies
you sit there with a smile
your poison fills me with pain
I fade away like a burning memory
the poison flames are surrounding my broken body
lost in time
forever living
in the shadows.
Do you see how much more attractive this is sitting on the page, as well as how much easier it is to read? Your aim is to be read, so work on making it a pleasurable experience for your reader.
DP
As I burn from your lies
you sit there with a smile
your poison fills me with pain
I fade away like a burning memory
the poison flames are surrounding my broken body
lost in time
forever living
in the shadows.
Do you see how much more attractive this is sitting on the page, as well as how much easier it is to read? Your aim is to be read, so work on making it a pleasurable experience for your reader.
DP
