Appreciate it, Mary-Jane!!

My brain is a non-stop thinking machine.
My body works like an eighty year old in a nursing home.
It hurts.
Not only my body, but my mind and heart as well.
 
Will my love make him stay?
You're worthless man.
Ugh, I can't move.
Why aren't I in college yet?
I bet when those people were laughing they were laughing at you.
Did I spell my name on the document correctly?
Did I lock my door?  
What if I wake up and the one I love doesn't love me?
Fatty fatty fatty fatty!!!!
Why am I so ugly?
I'll never be loved who do I kid.
Fuck we have a doctors appointment soon, I might as well move in.
Remember when you fell in 4th grade and everyone pointed and laughed.
Your skin is too dark to ever be perfect.
You're not even one race, you'll never fully understand what it feels to be one.
Are my arms normal to-
 
Then she kisses me.
Ever so slightly.
And it stops.  
The thoughts.
The questions.
The insults.
The doubts.
They stop.
 
And I am at peace.
Not with just myself.
But my life.
With everything.
 
I smile and she smiles back.
I love and she loves harder.
Oh baby, if I was a lesbian!!
That warm embrace and calmness I long for devours me.
I may cough a little that's only because the kisses she places along my lungs are a little too  
harsh at times.
 
I can feel her explore my body,
  leaving her mark as she lays kisses where it hurts.
Caressing each and every aching feeling my body produces.
Making me feel beautiful, causing the pain to vanish.
 
I look in the mirror and I do not feel disappointment.
Mary-Jane whispers softly, "That beautiful girl there, is going to change the world.".
She lets me know not to worry.
She encourages me.
 
She reminds me I just graduated, a year early at that, I need to rest.
She reminds me the battles I fight and fought made me who I am today, that I am a  
  warrior.
She reminds me I made it to eighteen a virgin, I never caved.
She reminds me I get to experience two cultures instead of one.
She reminds me of the ones who do try to love me, but I just get a little lost in my head
She reminds me its over.
She reminds me my skin is like freshly made caramel.
She reminds me that I am beautiful.
 
Mary-Jane I appreciate the love you provide.
Mary-Jane I appreciate the healing you provide.
Mary-Jane I appreciate the motivation you provide.
Mary-Jane I appreciate the courage you provide.
 
And most important, Mary-Jane I appreciate you.