Muse

 
Muse

Where have I been?
Trapped in a prison underneath my own skin?
Darkness set in and consumed who I was.
I was set to give up on life feeling like a lost cause.
The pain I’ve lived through can’t be accurately described in words,
although I have tried in many poems, numbering at least a third.
I’ve lost both of my heroes along the way.
I miss them both terribly every single day.
Will I ever become half the man you two became?
Will I ever earn the right to keep my name?
Will I ascend up or continue to live in shame?
Will I rise out of the darkness or continue to go down just the same?

I’ve lost my mind along this long, dark journey.
Thought for sure that each day would be my last and my body would be carried away on a gurney.
I lost my body and my will to live.
Just existed day after day without a purpose or drive.
I lost my heart and gave up on love.
I turned my back on my God up above.
I turned into a zombie.
Breath, eat, sleep, repeat.
I wanted to end it all, end the pain I was constantly in.
Close my eyes on final time without giving off one final grin.

I thought I was defeated but I was wrong.
I believed I was weak when in reality I was strong.
I turned back to God and fought back against the darkness that had consumed me.
Slowly I began to turn into the man he wanted me to be.
The chaos in my mind was erased and replaced with peace.
Constant stress and anxiety was brought to a cease.
My mind became focused and sharp.
The darkness floated away from me in the wind like a tarp.
My heat began to beat again in the key of love,
and now searches for its other half that it cannot dispose of.
No pushing away another potential dove.
I want someone I can’t take my mind off of.

Then God brought you into my life,
immediately putting an end to the remanence to my past strives.
I promise to continue to improve myself and become the man you deserve to have,
since I can feel in my heart and you are my better half.
You are all I think about and it drives me to become great.
Just your presences alone has me in a comfortable state.
I’m working hard to keep my mind sharp and relaxed.
The last thing I want is another mental collapse.
I’m working hard to get my body back in shape.
Laziness is a trait I want to permanently escape.
I’m working hard to keep my heart beating strong.
It beats in love for you all day long.

My life is coming together and I’m feeling great!
Gone is my life of darkness and hate.
You are my muse and are fueling this revival.
Thank you for helping me cement my survival.
You told me you are proud of the person I am becoming.
I’m not done yet; I will address and fix every single one of my short comings.
My drive is the strongest it has ever been,
and when the people of earth realize it doesn’t actually spin,
we will be happy together as the sun goes around us,
and will laugh as the closed-minded fools all begin to fuss.