Hammering 101

A hammer is good for Nails
Also good for crushing snails
A mallet is good for fence posts
Checking reflexes to diagnose
A hammer is needed for woodwork
Or roof repairs at the local Kirk
Always useful for artwork hangers
Not so good for thumb bangers
Joiners, Fencers, fixers and Plumbers
Electricians, handymen, crazy drummers

Hammers are such a useful tool
But not in the hands of a stupid fool
Hammers used to crucify with nails
Breaking both legs never fails
Mallets for clubbing seals
Despite their screaming appeals
An act of gangland revenge, kneecapping
Makes them pay up, makes stoolies sing


You can't hammer love into somebody
The very thought makes you a nobody
You cant hammer life into folk
The intention makes you a fuckin joke
Cant use a hammer to knock in some sense
Mental retardation is never a good defence
Useless as a motivator to appreciate art
The suggester proves their mind is just a fart
Using a hammer to make one pay attention
You need to be locked up for your own protection
got a psychopath's brain with a syphilis infection
Using your hammer gives you an erection


A clubgoer once tried to cause me real harm
I took away his hammer and broke his fuckin arm
Come at me with a hammer I give you an assurance
You're so gonna need good medical insurance
Using a hammer for a nefarious reason
Means it's the time for open season
In Glasweigen it time for "youse tae fuck aff!"
I point in your general direction and laugh