Imagine

Imagine working diligently your whole life to become a professional in child welfare to protect abused and neglected children and having a excellent and earned job in administration. Imagine at the same time being involved in a volatile, emotionally abusive relationship and wanting to leave almost instantly at the start.  Imagine the threat of losing all you worked for out of fear that police intervention or complaints may jeopardize your job, compromise your reputation. Imagine staying home from work or away from family and friends fearing someone will notice a mark or bruise on you or realizes how fearful and sad you are. Imagine believing people will judge and say you should know better.  Imagine never ever wanting to go out due to fear of ridicule, blatant disregard and embarrassment with high risk of being screamed at in public or worse, in front someone you know. Imagine family and friends being incredibly worried, suspecting your suffering, wanting to help but paralyzed by your silence. Imagine convincing yourself of being unworthy of love or not lovable and believing it!   Imagine being left in a running car in the middle of a busy 45 mph intersection in the passenger seat with impending threat of being struck by a car. Imagine getting choked, brutally and aggressively by someone who blames high powered medications and a bad childhood for their behavior.  Imagine things thrown at you in front of your children.  Imagine after an emotional day working with an abused and traumatized child at work, having an entire stack of ceramic plates thrown at you, destroying a chandelier and being blamed for the damage.  Imagine being with someone who enjoys watching you suffer, hurt and completely lose your self while they mooch off your wallet.  Imagine remembering always being an extremely happy, sensual woman and then having absolutely no human skin on skin intimate contact or affection with another human being and being blamed for someone else's inadequacies? Imagine your known and told what a strong, resilient woman you are and you know otherwise.  Imagine convincing yourself that someone's traumatic past is an excuse for their behavior and abuse against you and believing it too long.  Imagine being called a fucking cunt and a bitch more than one can count with meaningless apologies and no remorse.  Imagine believing children wanted you to stay and realizing they wanted you to leave all along.  Imagine realizing that your children were overcompensating and minimizing the situation just so you don't get hurt.  Imagine a child getting kicked out of their own home because of a Kool-Aid stain.  Imagine someone who holds a grudge against a child and ignores him for a week except for the evil eye.  Imagine feeling like the five seconds after a car accident for five years.  Imagine reaching a braking point after having large objects thrown at you and glass spread everywhere in the presence of a child.   Imagine finally being able to reach out to family who immediately supported you no questions asked.  Imagine it taking some time for you to realize and believe that you are lovable, worthy of  goodness and happiness. Imagine finally having a house of love for yourself and children.  Imagine being so angry at yourself for not leaving sooner!  Imagine forgiving yourself and remembering that you love life and are grateful to be alive.  Imagine never thinking in a million years this could never happen to someone like you and it did.  If it can happen to me it can happen to anyone, really!        
       
I am no longer a silent victim but  a resilient survivor with a story to tell.  I am lovable and worthy of happiness 🌺      
       
FYI :   http://www.thehotline.org/  

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/3FQFSnx6SZWsQn3TJYYlFNy/information-and-support-domestic-abuse
 
National Domestic Violence hotline    
   
Our phone and chat services are available to anyone who has been affected by relationship abuse, including those who are currently in abusive relationships, those who are working to heal, friends or family of victims and survivors and anyone in the community who has questions about domestic violence. We have the ability to provide phone services in more than 200 languages.      
       
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