deepundergroundpoetry.com
Degrees of school and addiction
When I'm up, nothing can stop me. However when I'm not, it seems like anything can knock me, down down into a deep dark abyss. Feelings of self-pity, hate, and wallowing, they're like boulders that seem to heavy to lift. So what changes? Why do I fight to climb?
Idk but when I do, I feel so alive. Accomplishment after accomplishment, they come so fast; I don't think I can handle it. You see I'm afraid, afraid that i can't man this ship. It sinks and it rises, sinks and it rises, when will the next wave hit? I don't know but right now, I'm on my shit. So I guess I'll keep going.
Idk but when I do, I feel so alive. Accomplishment after accomplishment, they come so fast; I don't think I can handle it. You see I'm afraid, afraid that i can't man this ship. It sinks and it rises, sinks and it rises, when will the next wave hit? I don't know but right now, I'm on my shit. So I guess I'll keep going.
Published 4th Jun 2019
Author's Note
My depression and suicidal ideation have been intensifying over the past decade. My drinking has elevated right alongside them. Somewhere along the way, I became a perfectionist. The son of 2 highly functioning parents (who did a great job in my opinion), I am able to push my drinking to the limit while doing amazing things in life (military, mma, life coaching, YouTube, 2 bachelor's & more). This the first time that I've been stone cold sober and I feel immortal physically but no longer have my numbing tool. I never want to drink again but my thoughts and depression have intensified. The medicine I'm on helps but there are times when that doesn't even help. I'm currently working on my incomplete coursework before the next semester and am wondering what most wonder... how do I keep going?
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7th Jul 2019 3:05pm
23rd Jul 2019 6:18pm
It's crazy that you said that I'm definitely lost but for the first time in my life I wasn't looking for love. I'm interested in what you would think about the new one that I'm about to post. Let me know.
23rd Jul 2019 6:35pm
