deepundergroundpoetry.com
Idiot Hate
November 27, 2011:
People ask me if I hate someone, if I'm mad or angry. I say no. "How can you not be mad! What if someone really hurt you or your family? Wouldn't you hate them?"
My answer is, "Maybe, for a while, I'd be mad, angry, possibly hate them. But I would worry more about who they hurt, and in the end, they don't bug me. I come to a conclusion, that some odd years from now. It wont matter. But honestly, I'm not sure becasue it hasn't happened."
everyone seems perplexed by that. by how I handle it. But...it's not that I CAN'T hate, or DON'T hate. It's a matter of I Don't WANT to hate. Can you understand?
I'm the easiest person to draw out feelings from, even if I am and look carefree happy go lucky girl. Anger, it's a feeling I dislike. For me it's like fire, it's burning me, inside and out, it hurts physical and mentally and I don't want another second to do with it! So I forget (something I'm well known for is bad memory) about it and bottle it up. But that doesn't help, it rebounds eventually and I'm consumed by everything all at once. It burns, it hurts, it stings and I hate what it does to me. WHO it can turn me into if I let it out of control. I sometimes thing of hurting something, even myself. Because after a point, that anger is directed at ME. It turns into self loathing and sadness. I'm so energetic, but it's something that can bring me down, and that terrifies me.
It's not that I can't hate, I choose NOT to. I choose to forget. I don't want that fire aimed at someone, it could hurt someone right? I'd rather it rebound on me sometimes, sometimes not. Even after I forget it, the emotion itself is raw. Living fire inside my heart. Clouds over me.
am I some type of idiot for being like this? someone once told me it might be unhealthy not to hate, someone told me it's fine.
but I don't think anyone's thought of the raw power of hate itself. It's indescribably painful. That leads to pitch black sorrow.
Idiot Hate
People ask me if I hate someone, if I'm mad or angry. I say no. "How can you not be mad! What if someone really hurt you or your family? Wouldn't you hate them?"
My answer is, "Maybe, for a while, I'd be mad, angry, possibly hate them. But I would worry more about who they hurt, and in the end, they don't bug me. I come to a conclusion, that some odd years from now. It wont matter. But honestly, I'm not sure becasue it hasn't happened."
everyone seems perplexed by that. by how I handle it. But...it's not that I CAN'T hate, or DON'T hate. It's a matter of I Don't WANT to hate. Can you understand?
I'm the easiest person to draw out feelings from, even if I am and look carefree happy go lucky girl. Anger, it's a feeling I dislike. For me it's like fire, it's burning me, inside and out, it hurts physical and mentally and I don't want another second to do with it! So I forget (something I'm well known for is bad memory) about it and bottle it up. But that doesn't help, it rebounds eventually and I'm consumed by everything all at once. It burns, it hurts, it stings and I hate what it does to me. WHO it can turn me into if I let it out of control. I sometimes thing of hurting something, even myself. Because after a point, that anger is directed at ME. It turns into self loathing and sadness. I'm so energetic, but it's something that can bring me down, and that terrifies me.
It's not that I can't hate, I choose NOT to. I choose to forget. I don't want that fire aimed at someone, it could hurt someone right? I'd rather it rebound on me sometimes, sometimes not. Even after I forget it, the emotion itself is raw. Living fire inside my heart. Clouds over me.
am I some type of idiot for being like this? someone once told me it might be unhealthy not to hate, someone told me it's fine.
but I don't think anyone's thought of the raw power of hate itself. It's indescribably painful. That leads to pitch black sorrow.
Idiot Hate
Published 27th Nov 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
27th Nov 2011 7:28pm
I like where you intend to go with this! The concept is brilliant. So well done for that. But you did ask for honest critique, and I believe that you would take it, use it and develop the piece with what you get, so I am going to point out the issues, for you.
1) You need to take care of your capitalisation (unlike poetry) in short passages such as this, the mixed up punctuation makes the piece loose creditability. Normally one could say "so what" but this is a non-fiction work, it needs creditability to sustain the reader passed the first sentence. In this piece you start many sentances in lower case, and many others in uppercase. For Example. "everyone seems perplexed by that. by how I handle it. But...it's not "
2) Often in poems we leave words out, for the sake of the flow and rythmn in a piece like this you can't do that, if you do , it makes it very hard work to understand.
Example.
"I come to a conclusion, that some odd years from now"
Or...
"I have come to the conclusion that in..."
3)Where the jargon you use to speak and what is written is very often two different things and there is good reason. Not everybody would understand "some odd years" it has to many ambiguous meanings in the writen word. But most people would understand "the future."
So the sentence would end up being...
"I have come to the conclusion that in the future..."
I am unable to give you line by line examples because 1 of or all of these three things exists on nearly every line.
I hope you realise that this comment is only to assist. So if you need help ask. I suggest that you need to edit and re-edit this piece a few times.
But I do like where it is going.
AL
P.S What happened to analysing my poem?
1) You need to take care of your capitalisation (unlike poetry) in short passages such as this, the mixed up punctuation makes the piece loose creditability. Normally one could say "so what" but this is a non-fiction work, it needs creditability to sustain the reader passed the first sentence. In this piece you start many sentances in lower case, and many others in uppercase. For Example. "everyone seems perplexed by that. by how I handle it. But...it's not "
2) Often in poems we leave words out, for the sake of the flow and rythmn in a piece like this you can't do that, if you do , it makes it very hard work to understand.
Example.
"I come to a conclusion, that some odd years from now"
Or...
"I have come to the conclusion that in..."
3)Where the jargon you use to speak and what is written is very often two different things and there is good reason. Not everybody would understand "some odd years" it has to many ambiguous meanings in the writen word. But most people would understand "the future."
So the sentence would end up being...
"I have come to the conclusion that in the future..."
I am unable to give you line by line examples because 1 of or all of these three things exists on nearly every line.
I hope you realise that this comment is only to assist. So if you need help ask. I suggest that you need to edit and re-edit this piece a few times.
But I do like where it is going.
AL
P.S What happened to analysing my poem?
29th Nov 2011 5:24am
thank you.
but i wasn't going for any punctuation. it's like a journal entry for me. i'll prob go back and fix those some time later. :)thank you for finding those. I've learned i like the hard to understand stuff. lol. (like the "some odd years from now")
thank you for your advise XD
oh! I just looked at the link. it's good. :) i like it. I'll come back on wendsday and write it in my english journal to do my teachers weird 9 step analysis thingy.
but i wasn't going for any punctuation. it's like a journal entry for me. i'll prob go back and fix those some time later. :)thank you for finding those. I've learned i like the hard to understand stuff. lol. (like the "some odd years from now")
thank you for your advise XD
oh! I just looked at the link. it's good. :) i like it. I'll come back on wendsday and write it in my english journal to do my teachers weird 9 step analysis thingy.
Anonymous
29th Nov 2011 5:34am
Okay, No punctuation on a Non Fiction short. Unsual, but given that idea to work from, you have whole new problem then... Too much punctuation. You see you either have punctuation or you don't. To see a piece with no punctution, go on over and read a 'deathproof' piece - he is the master of that. But at this stage its 'half' punctuated. Leaves the piece a little undressed.
P.S Journal's when written correctly are amongst the world top selling books.
Oh I can't wait to see the 9 step thingy. (smiles)
Al.
P.S Journal's when written correctly are amongst the world top selling books.
Oh I can't wait to see the 9 step thingy. (smiles)
Al.
1st Dec 2011 3:44am
lol. i know.
today though we read some e.e cummings works. (i love him by the way, my third favorite american poet)and his work is kinda like this. actually, his work makes no scene at all. (it confused me forever)
lol. i'll work on punctuation, i know it's a problem of mine. even on homework (picky teachers suck sometimes)
hahaha.
i'll post you my analysis latter on.
today though we read some e.e cummings works. (i love him by the way, my third favorite american poet)and his work is kinda like this. actually, his work makes no scene at all. (it confused me forever)
lol. i'll work on punctuation, i know it's a problem of mine. even on homework (picky teachers suck sometimes)
hahaha.
i'll post you my analysis latter on.
