Innermost Desire

I’m never gonna get it
I’m never gonna have it come my way.
It’s never gonna reach me
‘Cause I keep thinking ‘bout it every day.

I glance at them all the time, and
Sometimes I’ll see them looking back at me.
And I’ll be happy…
Until the next day comes empty.

And jealousy, it clings to me
‘Cause I just wish that I could be
Everybody’s innermost desire.

Innermost desire,
‘Cause it takes me that much higher.

Innermost desire,
It seems so far away.


It’s not real love, I know, and
I wish that I could show that
I’m not letting it take control of me.

But it sits there in the throne of my mind,
I tell myself all the time
I don’t need it, but it makes me so happy.

Innermost desire,
It takes control of me.

I know attraction’s just a fling,
I tell myself it’s worth nothing,
But I crave it like an animal each day.

With innermost desire,
To myself I am a liar.

Innermost desire,
How did you get instilled in me?


When you come to me in surplus
I fly so high on clouds of fantasy.
The attention that I crave so much,
It’s all the energy I’ll ever need.
 
My hopes reach past the sky, and,
I feed off all the looks you’re throwing me.
So the ones I’m looking out for,
Today, just please come through for me.

And then my hopes come crashing down,
You didn’t even turn around
Or tilt your head to get a look at me.

You’re my innermost desire
And I’m just the roller coaster rider.

Each day, oh innermost desire,
My happiness depends on thee.


I really have no preference
In my attachment to an essence.
I could switch them up, it’d still all be the same.

First they look at me with adoration,
Then they don’t even face my direction;
I’m so confused, no clue what they feel for me.

But deep down, innermost desire,
I love the way you torment me.

The only thing ‘bout which I really care,
My world revolves around their stares;
A hilarious and worthless enterprise.

A tiny, childish-looking girl
Thinking she’s the center of their world;
Humiliating when I see it from their eyes.

This monster craves attention on demand,
Yet to them I’m but a grain of sand,
It’s the only part of me that’s real, behind my lies.

Innermost desire,
Oh what you burn with all your fire.

Innermost desire,
Why do you take me so much higher?

Innermost desire,
You’ve taken complete control of me.

Innermost desire,
How can you leave me if I don’t want to be free?

--09-07-2004