FEBRUARY

In secret
I cry
But that doesn't change a thing as soon as I open my eyes
My mind thinks this is dejavu or reincarnated time that has happened
Then left me behind to pick up pieces  
That I will never find a place for
To miss what I have lost over and over again
To dream about him
To wake up
To only see that he is not here
He will not walk through the door as he once did
Even still, it seems as though he will walk through the door
I expect him to any minute now
The house is so quiet without him here I cannot think  
Still...he has not walked through the door
The days...the months...
Now it's years gone by  
I know this now...he is gone like the shavings of dust
That wither away with the wind
To some distant atmosphere
To some other land far from here
Remembering when he came to me
2014
That moment we met will always be in my mind
It will stay  there forever
A beautifully framed picture
I know it was just for a brief time  
The good times we were able to create
Nonetheless, the time came short and he was gone as fast as he came
A brief time I saw him laugh
He made me laugh too
The birth of two lovers did not win
The devil took away their happiness
A time when I needed a comedian in my life
That comedian is gone forever  
How will I laugh now?
If I even feel like laughing
I remember waiting for him for eight years
I remember thinking is he the one?
One day when he stood in front of me
I love him still as I did then
Soul mate to soul mate
I held on for as long as I could  
Til my weakness pulled me down to my knees
Till the tears flooded me up to my neck
Then I looked up to God
He knows the rest
He fell through my fingers and out of my hands
As I held my breath one last time to keep him beside me
Each February of every year, now...I think of YOU  
The anniversaries accumulate as time passes  
The ones that never were
Because of two stubborn fools...