Love

I really wonder if I can actually say I’ve been in love.
Come to think of it, the person I say I was in love with was only in my life for two weeks.
Maybe it was just the worst case of infatuation?
No, I did love him.
But to be in love is something on an extremely different level.
At the same time I realize I had never felt such a feeling.
Perhaps it was because he was my first.
It never felt this worthwhile to be hurt.
No one would ever get away with the pain I experienced here.
Perhaps I made a smart choice.
Maybe I found someone who didn’t mock my voice.
Maybe I was smarter then I gave myself credit for.
Instead of feeling ashamed of, I felt adored.
Usually I would have imagined myself feeling hopeless, resentful, and jealous once it was all over.
This time I only gained hope.
Every time I saw a couple kiss, I would smile inside.
I knew what it was like to feel such locks of passion.
I didn’t feel jealousy, I felt envy.
Some may think that the two mean the same thing.
In the end they don’t; jealousy is feeling hostile towards someone for something they have that you don’t.
Envy is when you can just smile and say how lucky, it’s beautiful. Hold it to your heart dearly.
If only I could have it again.
What an amazing, irreplaceable emotion it is to feel deep within your soul.
I know for a fact I’ve loved; because instead of collapsing into pieces, I became more whole.