Painting blind

It would be so much easier,  
   
So much fucking wiser,    
   
For you to forget I exist,    
   
Friendship is all I can give,    
   
Is it what I really want,    
   
Being hurt was so easy for me,    
Yet I might be the one to fuck this up,    
Love has always been the canvas,    
   
Here I’ll make a list,  
Using this paint brush,    
   
Indecisive,    
Repetitive,    
Constructive,    
   
Well,    
   
Maybe,    
   
I am      
Horrible,    
Uncontrollable,    
Undeniable,    
Unapproachable,    
Disposable,    
Removable,    
Useable,    
Unpredictable,    
   
   
Lovable..    
   
My friends always tell me I deserve better,    
 
Oh ..    
Okay,  
 
let me take a note,
Even better,  
How about Make a letter,    
Send it to my future self,    
And have it say,    
you will always be miserable,    
How am I always incapable of colors,    
For this brush between my fingertips,    
To fill in the empty canvas,    
Hesitation has always been my weakness,    
   
I will always be the repeater,    
Changing time couldn’t fix this either,    
Friendship always lands on my side,    
   
   
Love..    
well,    
   
   
Let my hand flow,    
   
Just for once,    
   
Let my hand understand,    
   
Just this once,    
   
Let my thoughts calm,    
   
And    
   
Just this once,    
   
 
 
 
 
Paint...