Lost.....

I’ve gone weeks without sleep, some days with reason and some without. Thoughts of the past and the present, strange paranormal sightings (call me crazy if you want, the fuck do I care) and all these different questions without answers. It’s hard to tell whether I bring myself to these thoughts or if something draws them to me. Some of the thoughts that run through my mind are the very days that haunt me the most, because of things that I’ve seen or heard that I prey where not real. I try to think of anything else that will get my mind off all these nightmares, but nothing seems to work. I’ve made it through most of my life hiding two different sides of me, the philosophical and the demonic. I try to cover it up with a kind of “meh” lifestyle, but there are those thoughts that will trigger one side or the other. I thank those who I have left in my life who still care, if not for you guys I would’ve completely gone insane, you’ve seen what you’d think would be my darkest and most depressing state, you haven’t seen anything yet. It’s hard to believe but it it can get worse than that, and if I get pissed, there’s no telling what might happen, some of you have seen more of that side than others, the day my eyes turn red again is the day you want to run and hide. Though at the state in which I live my very life, I can still end up on either side, or I’ll just sit there in confusion, staring blankly either at the ground or at the world around me, looking like I’m upset but not. As I lay here in bed, at 5:50 this having been awake for almost 4 hours, I sit here and portray some writing that may cause confusion based on the title, don’t feel bad if it’s true, believe me I’m just as confused as you.