Scribbles

You don’t understand
And you never will
What it’s like to be cheated off
That work is not just work
It is not just scribbles
I conjured using magic
That work
Spells out hours of frustration
Days of crying in anger at my own confusion
Arguments and debates
Self hatred slicing deeper than a blade
Terrifying times, when I am so sure I will never understand
Never grasp this concept
To some, it is life and death
For those scribbles on a page
I almost killed myself
Multiple times
I was so desperate
To either succeed and master
Or end my life because if I didn’t
Then my one purpose in life
Was ruined
And wasted
And I deserved death
And yet you come
Waltzing to me
Making me uncomfortable
As you feign innocence
Even as you hold my life
Over my head in a noose
Asking O so innocently
What I got for the answer
As if you knew
As if you had tried
As if you had died for these scribbles
Like I have