Skism. Suicide note pt. IV

Skisms  
Tears in reality  
Drugs are the reason.  
I am convinced.  
They are just masks  
Pleasing  
Minced. Thoughts  
Broken smiles  
Empty eyes.  
How vile am i..  
Am I repulsive?
Vague?  
Do I have strength to beat this? Plagues.  
Maybe soon I can leave  
This constant shift in reality
Bring me relief...  
Someone, please...  
I am becoming afraid  
I want to dull myself
Its safe.  
It's what I know  
I want to run.  
This is the last chance,  
I know.  
But I have made a vow.  
I will not run.  
I must live here,  
Now.