Pain of domestic

I was right and I really wish I wasn't.

You throw me about and push my face like a rag doll.

Look at me you say, you pour your heart out to me trying to blame all out downfalls on me.

Both in the same boat, both sharing the same pain.

Yet you point for a blame, you try to shove it in my arse.

You wake in the morning with your normal sweet routine, yet something sticky and black lingured today.

The eyes staring straight throughout me, pass my soul, pass my love.

I'm pulled and tugged, shamed and shaked on like I'm a fucking fuck plug.

I push you over on your back to take control, to love you, yet you smack your head.

Laughing I try to comfort you, snap, snap, snap you shout why have you stopped laughing with your mocking eyes.

Throw me away, throw me aside.

I stand for my clothes saying you've made me insecure, shouting at me in sex to go.

To ride when the feelings have subsided, we both frozen.

Team effort, just a mistake.

Didn't mean to be insecure or want to hide my face, you shout say how dare I shy away.

I try to escape and talk, explain yet I'm wrong.

Stupid girl, can't love right.

I say I need to see to my baby, we go downstairs where I start on his bottles.

Arguing trying to clear air, yet saying nasty things to me for what?

We are partners, arnt we? Why such awful comments.

Calling me a slag, saying I don't love you, how I could I love you all this because I froze to see if you was okay.

I say stop shouting over and over and over again, you know I have ptsd you know that's what shuts down my brain.

You shout and I hide away, your voice like bombs going off.

You grab my throat, squeezing till I squealed, that your way of warning me.

No I won't have it, no shouting at me or anywhere near my baby, leave now.

You throw you coat to the floor, stomping around, trying to walk to the baby.

I said stop trying use him as a weapon, leave the room where the baby is, don't shout near my baby.

Messing with my head, what kind of man are you, I call the police and they're on their way.

You grab your stuff and run like the criminal I was blind to what you really was.

You text me abuse letting me know it's all my fault and when I wonder why I am alone to know I fucked it all up.

You tell me to run to my family, yet I don't run to no one.

I ran away, I live and love alone.

Don't ever say I'm crazy, when I write poetry wondering If I am, to prove that sickness wasn't a delusion.

Real pain, real fear.

A real user.

I promised I won't have this life, spent years watching my mum cry.

I promised I wont have this life, spent years watching my dad clench a fist.

I promised I won't live this life, especially when its what caused me the first death wish.

My pain to great for you.
My love to real.

Freedom, in the lies and words.

Please keep talking so I can learn more of how un loved I really am by you.

Please keep talking so I can learn more of how fake you are.

Please keep talking until your run out of webs and lies.

Me not a silly fly...

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Abusers.

Decivers.

Liars.

None believers.