deepundergroundpoetry.com
WATERDANCE
I want to be the stone
That skips
On the surface
Of your body of water
I want to sling ripples
At your edges
That you struggle
To contain
I want to fall short
Of the other side
Sink and bury myself
In your bed
I want to feel you
Undulate like that
Over me
To the end
That skips
On the surface
Of your body of water
I want to sling ripples
At your edges
That you struggle
To contain
I want to fall short
Of the other side
Sink and bury myself
In your bed
I want to feel you
Undulate like that
Over me
To the end
Written by
SatInUGal
(Kumar)
Published 9th Oct 2018
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 13
reads 596
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. WATERDANCE
Anonymous
9th Oct 2018 3:15pm
Really unique !
1
Re. WATERDANCE
Anonymous
9th Oct 2018 4:39pm
So beautiful.
1
Re: Re. WATERDANCE
9th Oct 2018 8:52pm
Wow, thanks. I'll try to keep the wonderful to a more manageable level next time ;-)
Re: Re. WATERDANCE
9th Oct 2018 8:53pm
Re: Re. WATERDANCE
9th Oct 2018 9:04pm
Let's see. Near as I can figure, a proper swooning involves:
1) The fanning your face with your hands stage: Being moved to distraction from something, even if it is the thing that is forcing the swoon.
2) The faint stage: System overload; pair of strong hands needed, properly placed beforehand, on standby for this event.
3) The recovery: Whereby the Swoonee slowly opens their eyes to meet the deeply relaxing gaze of owner of hands mentioned earlier.
Seems like a lot of moving parts. Quite a production. I am forced to agree with you, much as I am a fan of your swooning.
1) The fanning your face with your hands stage: Being moved to distraction from something, even if it is the thing that is forcing the swoon.
2) The faint stage: System overload; pair of strong hands needed, properly placed beforehand, on standby for this event.
3) The recovery: Whereby the Swoonee slowly opens their eyes to meet the deeply relaxing gaze of owner of hands mentioned earlier.
Seems like a lot of moving parts. Quite a production. I am forced to agree with you, much as I am a fan of your swooning.
Re: Re. WATERDANCE
10th Oct 2018 1:48am
Damn - foiled again. No more light, soft falling and landing far, far away from here.
1
Re. WATERDANCE
9th Oct 2018 8:57pm
Nice use of metaphor. The choice to use water and its surroundings is very organic. Lovely.
1
Re: Re. WATERDANCE
9th Oct 2018 9:06pm
Thank you Eerie. I think I am still riffing in some ways from the Lake Eerie poem. Ripples of inspiration can travel so far...
Re: Re. WATERDANCE
Thank you. When I long, I write. You wrote about the outside edges. I wrote about the inside ones.