Confessions Of A Poetess:  Deeper Still

‘Daddies, Daddies everywhere,  
yet I cannot quite find the one I remember.  
He exists in shadows, glances, touches,  
but fragmented, never whole.’  

‘From the depths you arose  
where I had long forgotten you  
but now I remembered you.  
You pierced through me like a spark  
fierce and bright.  
I was wrapped around you  
unable to detach  
this is how I was undone.  
You were inside me all along  
my every ecstasy was yours.  
I fell deep into the concept of you.’  
 
         .....  
 
Deeper still, and still as night  
blackness where you arose  
welcome to my dreams.  
You will be undone here  
and only I will hear you scream.  
Nameless name, thoughtless thought,  
In a cage where my words  
are to become the bars.  
 
You are trapped in my poetry,  
little boy without a name,  
a constellation of my fears  
to gaze up at and observe,  
like Orion your static frame  
flickers in my gaze  
yet within me you stood still  
and captured me in a still frame.  
 
Deep within you always were  
and never to break free  
caressing all my inner voids  
where things are not as they seem  
My every wish did you become  
to set afloat upon a sea  
filled with reasons not to look  
upon my hearts felicity.  
To see with poets eyes at last,  
granted certainty  
that you were all I ever dreamed of  
to aspire to and be.  
 
My heart opened up like  
a great revolving door,  
you entered in and so enveloped  
all that I stood for.  
You became trapped in my fancies  
and how I make you shine.  
The door will cease to turn  
and you will eternally become mine.  
 
Deeper still will you ever search  
for what it is you need  
and only I, only this way  
into my core will I lead.  
To fulfill my deepest desires  
upon you I will feed.  
And in your undoing will you be  
immortalized to become  
a fission of self here in  
this vacuum of a heart  
this beast of a constellation  
its vehicle at lights speed.  
 
Ever deeper will you go,  
ever will I rain on you.