deepundergroundpoetry.com
A Timeless Moment
A Timeless Moment
Shadows dance through the thinly veiled lace
Anticipation rises with each warm breath
Fingers follow the alluring scent
A moan is felt so deep, so low
Coming from inside the fantasy
One timeless seizing moment
United as one
Melded together, absorbed, unaware
Passion peaked, drifting
Naked to our own submissions
Abdication of any thought
Sweet, shallow sighs of disjunction
You drown in soft reverie
Shadows dance through the thinly veiled lace
Anticipation rises with each warm breath
Fingers follow the alluring scent
A moan is felt so deep, so low
Coming from inside the fantasy
One timeless seizing moment
United as one
Melded together, absorbed, unaware
Passion peaked, drifting
Naked to our own submissions
Abdication of any thought
Sweet, shallow sighs of disjunction
You drown in soft reverie
Published 19th Oct 2011
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likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 1038
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
19th Oct 2011 4:28pm
Scorbra,
Really enjoyed this one. Only comment I can offer would be to leave "you" out of the last line. You set this up so well as being between and shared by two, it seemed unnecessary to tie it down to one at the end. Just my opinion ; ) Great read!
tornado
Really enjoyed this one. Only comment I can offer would be to leave "you" out of the last line. You set this up so well as being between and shared by two, it seemed unnecessary to tie it down to one at the end. Just my opinion ; ) Great read!
tornado
19th Oct 2011 4:33pm
After reading it again I have to agree with you Tornado. Thank you very much for your comment.
