hope to be wrong

I might not be right
   but I better express myself
    say what I think…
    and how I felt…

on the first* occasion
    I’ve kind of closed my eyes…
    what is a one small mistake?
    I’m writing it off
    it was just one encounter… what the hell?
    even if it bothered me… that’s just once
    I gotta be a little forgiving
but then it happened twice*
    then I knew
    I should be a little awake
    what the hell? – I’ve been wide awake for months now
    and I should remember both times
and when it happened for a third* time
    that’s when I really went out
    “Look! We talked…  and then you did it again, and again”
    and again
    and what you’re gonna do?
you argued with me
    but I kind of got you
    I got you on a multitude of dimensions, you know…
you’re not really that much into me
    nor the creative and intelligent person I expected
    nor as hardworking and as serious as I thought
    nor someone I could talk too when it gets real tough
    nor someone who would back me or push me
    sacrificing your momentary cravings and plans

I might be wrong
God knows how much I hope to be wrong

and I’m listening to you
    hoping that you’re gonna show me
    some way I’m stupid that’s useful
    so I can be little less stupid in the future
    cause wouldn’t that be good?

but so far I’m confronted
    with this fragmentary pop culture
    and memes
    and half-baked blurry imagery
    of our sex life…
it’s an incoherent mashup
    …and I don’t trust it
I don’t have to protect what I know
I already know what I know

Have I seen and experienced enough of you?
    …can I still go after the unknown of you?
oh man
    I would love to confront that
    having your coherent stand that disagrees me
    with its values and principles
    rooted in acquired, slowly accumulated knowledge
    and life experience
I would really love you to be my enemy…
    telling me all that I don’t know
    swallowing me with your depth
    making me really listen

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* 1, 2 or 3 is just figuratively speaking, cause there were far more occasions of challenging emotion, rejection, unmet need, provocation… and just non-cooperative behaviour