deepundergroundpoetry.com
Suffocating by You
As I sit on a rock listening to nature,
I begin thinking about what we could’ve been,
Our laughs, our disagreements, our painful memories,
You were like my best friend that I hardly knew,
You didn’t give me enough time to find me,
And I didn’t give you enough time to find you,
We were two broken individuals that collided,
Seeking any soul to vibe with,
But you knew how to keep me smiling,
Saying everything to uplift me from the ground,
Then you held me right above a waterfall overwhelmed, drowning in water
I felt like a diamond left in the sand,
You knew I was worth a lot,
But did not allow anyone else to pick me up but your hands
So you continued to bury me,
I began to feel like roadkill to you,
I caught your eye,
But you picked certain pieces out of me and not me entirely,
Constantly wondering,
Why wasn’t I ever good enough for you?
Now I’m traumatized and left with another scar,
Suffocating in the water,
Watching over me with this blank, bizarre stare,
God pulls me out of the water saying “I care”,
Now I can finally breathe
I begin thinking about what we could’ve been,
Our laughs, our disagreements, our painful memories,
You were like my best friend that I hardly knew,
You didn’t give me enough time to find me,
And I didn’t give you enough time to find you,
We were two broken individuals that collided,
Seeking any soul to vibe with,
But you knew how to keep me smiling,
Saying everything to uplift me from the ground,
Then you held me right above a waterfall overwhelmed, drowning in water
I felt like a diamond left in the sand,
You knew I was worth a lot,
But did not allow anyone else to pick me up but your hands
So you continued to bury me,
I began to feel like roadkill to you,
I caught your eye,
But you picked certain pieces out of me and not me entirely,
Constantly wondering,
Why wasn’t I ever good enough for you?
Now I’m traumatized and left with another scar,
Suffocating in the water,
Watching over me with this blank, bizarre stare,
God pulls me out of the water saying “I care”,
Now I can finally breathe
Published 12th Jun 2018
| Edited 13th Jun 2018
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13th Jun 2018 7:03am
this poem is a very good, solid pencil,
all the prescription is there , to make this a most enjoyable read.
my only pick would be( suffocating in water) ---i would said, ------overwhelmed, drowning in water
in line 11-----after drown ( ) a full stop--- because you start a new phase of the poem,
just the last few lines lost their potency in terms of you were trying to keep the rhyme,
and trying to fit too much in, the habit of mind is to push on,
but having said that, i love reading good poetry, and you have the making of a good poet,
all the prescription is there , to make this a most enjoyable read.
my only pick would be( suffocating in water) ---i would said, ------overwhelmed, drowning in water
in line 11-----after drown ( ) a full stop--- because you start a new phase of the poem,
just the last few lines lost their potency in terms of you were trying to keep the rhyme,
and trying to fit too much in, the habit of mind is to push on,
but having said that, i love reading good poetry, and you have the making of a good poet,
13th Jun 2018 9:04am
