deepundergroundpoetry.com
Splitting The Shots
Stuck between your eyes
I fall closer to your design
Find me a different time
And I'll shoot for a separate kind
Of fracture
This isn't right!
You haze with a brighter shine
Tell me your other lie
Hand me my other try
And I'll crash from a greater height
I fall closer to your design
Find me a different time
And I'll shoot for a separate kind
Of fracture
This isn't right!
You haze with a brighter shine
Tell me your other lie
Hand me my other try
And I'll crash from a greater height
Published 2nd Jun 2018
Author's Note
This is from 2010! I'm submitting it because I miss the simplistic days, and those easy flowing words. I believe I try to "overwrite" sometimes now...there was a time when I didn't always do so.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
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comments 6
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
2nd Jun 2018 4:11am
I can feel you on overwriting, analysis gorged. I still have issues being "simplistic" in my writes thou I've gotten it tamed to manageable. I enjoyed this.
2nd Jun 2018 4:58am
It's really difficult :( Yet, not putting in effort to puzzle over the correct words can feel lazy l, or uninspiring. Finding the balance is key, but so elusive.
Glad you understand dude, thanks!
Glad you understand dude, thanks!
3rd Jun 2018 9:20pm
I Love to see you rockin' & roll'n, AtomikOne.
These are some of your best poems.
These are some of your best poems.
3rd Jun 2018 9:31pm
I gotta get back to this place I think. It was more enjoyable too, not to overthink everything 😊
6th Jun 2018 3:37pm
Sometimes changing things up renews the muse, and revitalizes our enjoyment of writing.
I have read many of your pieces, some of which sent me Googling my ass off and scratching my head. It's when I sit and contemplate the various interpretations I find within your writing that the true enjoyment sets in. Your work brings different perspectives from which I can view the world, a way of thinking that otherwise may have never occurred to me, or at the least, forgotten in the everyday jumble of living.
I suppose the short of this comment is always write in the style that best suits your current mood, for it will serve you well and the reader will be rewarded also, for it is the true you at the moment.
And yes, I enjoyed this piece as much as any, even though I didn't learn any new words. :-)))
I have read many of your pieces, some of which sent me Googling my ass off and scratching my head. It's when I sit and contemplate the various interpretations I find within your writing that the true enjoyment sets in. Your work brings different perspectives from which I can view the world, a way of thinking that otherwise may have never occurred to me, or at the least, forgotten in the everyday jumble of living.
I suppose the short of this comment is always write in the style that best suits your current mood, for it will serve you well and the reader will be rewarded also, for it is the true you at the moment.
And yes, I enjoyed this piece as much as any, even though I didn't learn any new words. :-)))
7th Jun 2018 2:21am
Oh man...this hit me where I needed it <3
I've been calling it a "writers block" as a universal term, but what I've really been dealing with is a questioning of style, purpose, and a lack of motivation.
I agree in my deepest parts with what you're saying, it's gotta be authentic, and born of current moods/ideas. For all of us :)
Thank you so much, this was fresh water for my heart!
I've been calling it a "writers block" as a universal term, but what I've really been dealing with is a questioning of style, purpose, and a lack of motivation.
I agree in my deepest parts with what you're saying, it's gotta be authentic, and born of current moods/ideas. For all of us :)
Thank you so much, this was fresh water for my heart!
