I Think We're Going To Get Married

I go through these old poems
Trying to make this aching heart into something better
Letting the rats in my head scramble themselves across this desk of spilled liquor and smudged ink
Letting them settle their tiny claws into the too many words and too many thoughts and god I'm tired of being alone

I go through these old poems and wonder why none of them are uplifting
Why I've never let myself actualize and make the few good moments in my life tangible
Why I'm so scared of reminding myself there have been moments I've been ok


I used to be so scared of my own shadow
I used to flinch at the sound of my voice

But you, all kind words and dries tears
Battle torn and ragged, holding onto this world with me
I'm learning to say thank you when you call me beautiful
And I'm learning to say I love you, more so when I'm sober

I know I'm not perfect
I'm letting this dented blood soaked armor fall off peice by peice
I'm learning that I shouldn't be scared of you